INTERNATIONAL TERROR THREAT LEVELS IN 2014

[Reality Bytes]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

This is hugely significant because the English have not been "A Bit Cross" since The Blitz in 1940 - when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by The Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the wee Bastards!" Scotland doesn't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.

The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its Terror Alert Level from "Run" to "Hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."

Two more levels still remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."

They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the Old Spanish Navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its Security Level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate."

Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled."

So far, no situation in history has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[Lord Jim]

[wesw]

the few remaining celts declared that they would band together to defend their lovely lands once it was too late to drive out the masses of invaders and the remaining native americans vowed to do the same unless the invaders gave them booze and all the pretty beads they wanted.

[wesw]

this just in...

the French have announced that they are importing massive amounts of Cajun sperm in an effort to increase testosterone levels in their male children. they had considered importing actual Cajuns , but decided the that the chance that they would destroy French culture with their tendencies toward hard work and self reliance was just not worth the risk