Plan B Forum

Sir Benjamin Julian Alfred Slade is a rheumy-eyed Casanova who has a most disconcerting habit of pointing to his crotch and talking about ‘business down there’.



He describes his ideal woman as ‘a big strong healthy warrior, the bigger the better — if I see a tall woman coming into a room, I just fall over backwards. My tongue hangs out. It gets exciting.’

Last week he caused a furore when he denounced one of his recent (extremely attractive) companions, Bridget Convey, 50, as ‘too old to have children’ and reminded all young, fertile ladies that he is once again ‘interviewing hard’ for the position of Lady Slade.

‘I have had a few proposals,’ he said. ‘But sometimes the women are past their sell-by date and have been over the guns a few times.’

Sir Ben, as he likes to be addressed, is 70 years old himself.

Subsequently, he announced that he wanted to ‘road-test’ young women, adding: ‘It would be nice if they were a breeder, of an age where they can have a couple of sons.’

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... and his aunt Madeleine Slade, as he indelicately puts it, ‘s*****d [Mahatma] Gandhi’.