A Trumpanzee's first letter
Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 5:04 am
Anon: I'm writing to the President, see what you think, OK? "Dear President..."
Mike: Yeah?
Anon: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far.
Mike: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
Vyvyan: I don't like the "dear". Sounds a bit too much like "will you go to bed with me?"
Anon: Nicely spotted, Vyvyan. What do you think instead?
Vyvyan: What about "darling"?
Anon: "Darling President..."
Rick: Oh, no, no, no, no! Not "President". It's far too crawly bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put "fascist bully boy".
Anon: "Darling fascist bully boy..."
Mike: That's nice, yeah, so far so good, so what do you want to say?
Anon: Well, basically I want to ask him if he'd defy a legitimate order of the, like, Supreme Court, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than that.
Mike: Well, what about, "are you as much of a racist, fascist dictator as you appear to be"?
Vyvyan: "You bastard"
Anon: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
Mike: No, people like that respect strength.
Anon: Yeah, you're right. "Darling fascist bully boy, are you as much of a racist, fascist dictator as you appear to be, you bastard..." Uh... "Love, Anon."
Vyvyan: Not "love, Anon"! That sounds far too much like "come and get it like a bitch-funky sex machine".
Anon: Yeah, you're right. Uh... What about "yours sincerely"?
Rick: Oh, come off it! If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?
Mike: Yeah?
Anon: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far.
Mike: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
Vyvyan: I don't like the "dear". Sounds a bit too much like "will you go to bed with me?"
Anon: Nicely spotted, Vyvyan. What do you think instead?
Vyvyan: What about "darling"?
Anon: "Darling President..."
Rick: Oh, no, no, no, no! Not "President". It's far too crawly bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put "fascist bully boy".
Anon: "Darling fascist bully boy..."
Mike: That's nice, yeah, so far so good, so what do you want to say?
Anon: Well, basically I want to ask him if he'd defy a legitimate order of the, like, Supreme Court, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than that.
Mike: Well, what about, "are you as much of a racist, fascist dictator as you appear to be"?
Vyvyan: "You bastard"
Anon: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
Mike: No, people like that respect strength.
Anon: Yeah, you're right. "Darling fascist bully boy, are you as much of a racist, fascist dictator as you appear to be, you bastard..." Uh... "Love, Anon."
Vyvyan: Not "love, Anon"! That sounds far too much like "come and get it like a bitch-funky sex machine".
Anon: Yeah, you're right. Uh... What about "yours sincerely"?
Rick: Oh, come off it! If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?