Updated Racist Jokes

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Joe Guy
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Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

I was wondering what I could do to reverse my old white man racist image. Then an idea came and slapped me upside the head. I'll update old racist jokes to make them more politically correct for the current generation!! Maybe it'll catch on and I'll go viral!!! So here's my first try. I'll put it in quotes to separate it from my comments:
A vertically challenged Asian gentleman walks into a bar in Harlem. Everyone there is African-American, including the bartender. The man saunters up to the bar and yells out so everyone can hear,

"Hey African-American Mixologist, Give Me A Vodka Shot With A Lemon Twist!"

Suddenly everyone in the bar becomes quiet as the bartender responds to the man. "I'll pour you a drink. But please refrain from being rude." He then pours the man his drink. Swiftly, the man drinks it, slams the glass on the bar, and calls out once more:

"Hey African-American Mixologist, Give Me A Vodka Shot With A Lemon Twist!"

Suddenly, the room becomes tense and many people looked offended at the Asian's lack of manners and apparent inability to say, "Please". Quickly, and without a word, the bartender gets out from behind the bar, takes off his apron and wraps it around the patron.

"Now," The bartender insists, "Get behind the bar and we'll see how you like it." So, the Asian customer obliges. After he gets behind the bar, the African-American bartender walks over and sits on a bar stool, smiles and yells:

"Hey Vertically Challenged Asian Man! Give Me A Beer In A Can!"

The Asian man, approaches him with his own smile, and says:

"Sorry. We don't serve rude African-Americans here."
Oh boy is that funny!! I'm pretty good at this, huh? Anybody else wanna try?

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RayThom
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Updated Racist Jokes

Post by RayThom »

Joe Guy wrote:... Oh boy is that funny!! I'm pretty good at this, huh? Anybody else wanna try?

Don't quit your day job.
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Lord Jim
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Lord Jim »

my old white man racist image.
You forgot misogynist... :P
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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

Thanks, Jim. I can always count on you for remembering things.... 8-)

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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

Okay, how about this one:
A little Native American boy asks his father, "Father, why do we Native Americans name our children after the first thing we see after each child is born?" His father replies, "Why do you ask, Two Canines Actively Working On Creating A Family?"

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Crackpot
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Crackpot »

you messes that one up.
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

It is the short version.

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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

Okay, here goes:
On the roof of a building are four men; one is Asian, one is Mexican, one is African-American, and the last one is Caucasian. The Asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof.

Next, the Mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof.

Next is the African-American's turn. He walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then jumps off the roof.

The Caucasian man, left standing alone, says, "Wow, that's not the way I heard this joke when I was young" and then jumps off the roof.

The roof of this house was extremely low and nobody was harmed and they all had a good laugh. Later the four men had dinner together and they still continue to meet often socially.

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RayThom
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Updated Racist Jokes

Post by RayThom »

Joe Guy wrote:Okay, here goes:
On the roof of a building are four men; one is Asian, one is Mexican, one is African-American, and the last one is Caucasian. The Asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof.
Next, the Mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof.
Next is the African-American's turn. He walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then jumps off the roof.
The Caucasian man, left standing alone, says, "Wow, that's not the way I heard this joke when I was young" and then jumps off the roof.
The roof of this house was extremely low and nobody was harmed and they all had a good laugh. Later the four men had dinner together and they still continue to meet often socially.
At first, I said to myself this is probably going to be yet another tasteless Joe Guy ethnic joke just to inflame the good people in this forum. However, and surprisingly, I found this to be so uplifting. I, like so many of my PC friends, absolutely enjoy humorous fables with a moral.

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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

Let's see....
A person with no particular hair color, I'll call "Pat", wanting to earn some money, decided to work as a handyperson and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. Pat went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs that needed to be done.

The man said, "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" "How about 50 dollars?", Pat replied. The man agreed and said that the paint and ladders needed were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does Pat realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "Pat was standing on the porch so I'm sure it's obvious."

A short time later, Pat came to the door to collect the payment. "You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," Pat answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," Pat added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

Then there's this:
I was at my bank waiting in line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why has it changed? Yesterday, I received two hundred dollars for the same amount of yen I'm exchanging today. Today I only get one hundred and eighty? Why did it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Oh, I see. Thanks. Have a nice day."

wesw
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by wesw »

you mixed two jokes into one earlier.

....and so the Pollack thought of his people and says....Jerk it off!!!!!

and....

....nah, that s just superman fucking with the niggers again.

I don t know if it was sheer laziness, or a brilliant amalgam.

who am I to judge?

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RayThom
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Updated Racist Jokes

Post by RayThom »

Minority Man Thankful White Guy Around To Tell Him What Jokes He Should Find Offensive
https://babylonbee.com/news/minority-ma ... -offensive
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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

That's just great for minorities but what about us white folks? Nobody coaches us on when we should be offended so we end up spending our time being offended on behalf of other races and ethnicities. That's why we have white guilt.

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RayThom
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Updated Racist Jokes

Post by RayThom »

Joe Guy wrote:... Nobody coaches us on when we should be offended so we end up spending our time being offended on behalf of other races and ethnicities. That's why we have white guilt.
But isn't white guilt part of our privilege? How do we separate the two?
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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

RayThom wrote:But isn't white guilt part of our privilege? How do we separate the two?
Every white person must figure that out for himself/herself/sexual transitioning self how to deal with their guilt and/or privilege. I don't have white guilt but I'm constantly reminded that I should. I don't have white privilege but I'm constantly reminded that I do. So, what I do is attempt to expose the silliness spewed by social justice warriors who categorize people and don't realize how hypocritical they are being. Of course that makes me a racist misogynistic old white guy in many people's eyes but that's not my problem.

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MajGenl.Meade
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by MajGenl.Meade »

Joe Guy wrote:It is the short version.
Horizontally challenged, please!
For Christianity, by identifying truth with faith, must teach-and, properly understood, does teach-that any interference with the truth is immoral. A Christian with faith has nothing to fear from the facts

Burning Petard
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Burning Petard »

Gee Whiz, Mr. Guy. Tell me how I can give up my white privilege. Is the first step to wear black-face all the time?

snailgate

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Joe Guy
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Re: Updated Racist Jokes

Post by Joe Guy »

Burning Petard wrote:Gee Whiz, Mr. Guy. Tell me how I can give up my white privilege. Is the first step to wear black-face all the time?
Skip the black-face. The first thing to do is recognize each individual privilege that you have over other races and apologize to everybody for having them.

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RayThom
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Updated Racist Jokes

Post by RayThom »

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