Wanna buy a piano?

[Bicycle Bill]

A guy walked into a bar with a small box under his arm.  He set the box down and ordered a drink.  Then, he reached into the box and took out an exquisite miniature grand piano which he set on the bar.  Turning to the bartender, he said, "You need to liven this place up with some entertainment.  How would you like to buy this beautiful piano?"

The bartender said, "How is that going to be entertaining?  I got no use for it."

The customer said, "I forgot to mention, it comes with this," and he reached into the box and removed a small bench which he placed next to the piano.  Then, very carefully, he took out a little man about the size of a Barbie doll, dressed in black tie and tails, and gently stood him on the bar.  The little man walked over to the bench, sat down, and began to play.

The bartender was amazed.  "Where did you ever find something like that?" he asked.

"I found a magic lamp and rubbed it to release the genie, the genie granted me three wishes, and this was one of my wishes...   But," and here the customer shook his head sadly, "it turned out that the genie was a little hard of hearing."

"What has that got to do with it?" asked the bartender.

"Well," said the customer, "do you really think that I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"

-"BB"-

[Gob]

[MajGenl.Meade]

A week later, same bar, same bloke walks in with a dog.

"Want to see an amazing experiment?" he asks the bartender, who signifies assent.

"Sit" says the bloke and the dog sits.
"Beg" says the bloke and the dog begs.
"Roll over" says the bloke and the dog rolls over.

What's amazing about that?" asks the bartender.

"Not that" says the bloke, "this". And he grabs the dog, pulls out a cleaver and cuts its paws off.

"Sit, he shouts. "Beg. Roll over" But the dog only slumps and whimpers.

"That's f-ing cruel. You're disgusting" says the bartender. "What's that supposed to prove?"

"Simple," says the bloke. "If you chop a dog's paws off, it goes deaf"

I'm a dead man, aren't I?

[MGMcAnick]

Ouch, that's sick. I won't be passing that along to Mrs Mc whose older collie is deaf and still has her paws. We still talk to her though.

A three legged dog ducks under the swinging doors and limps into a saloon. Bar keep looks up as the dog says "I'm lookin' for the the man who shot my paw".