Plan B Forum

Why shouldn't you date math teachers?

Because they have a lot of problems and expect other people to find the solutions.

How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Ideally three, but Toucan.

A Spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says, "Uno, dos..." and then POOF he disappeared without a tres.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
A barberqueue.

I thought of a carpentry joke.
I just wasn't sure if it woodwork.

How do you turn six to nine?
Remove the "s".

I've just released my own fragrance.
But nobody in the bus seems to like it.

So I was at this bar last night when the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "Hell, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.

Cheese is just a loaf of milk.

I saw a character in a tv show wearing this shirt
And I said, "It's a taco eclipse of the heart". It was dad joke gold. Nobody reacted.

Who was that ladle I saw you with last night? That was no ladle, that was my knife.

With a tip of the hat to the batboys and Walt Kelly.

snailgate

One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, "Sorry, my fault."

A number of years ago when the kids were small, Xena was doing dog things. She came over to me, shoved her face in my crotch and then backed up and sneezed. I said, "I guess she has a nut allergy". To her credit, my wife broke up laughing. The kids were oblivious.

If I had a DeLorean...
I would probably only drive it from time to time.

What do you call a dehydrated Frenchman?

Pierre.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes?

They just want to help you become a groan up.

You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European.

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines...but catscan.

Econoline wrote: ↑

Fri Mar 26, 2021 4:45 am

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines...but catscan.

But can the cats perform Lab tests?

-"BB"-

Bicycle Bill wrote: ↑

Fri Mar 26, 2021 4:58 am

Econoline wrote: ↑

Fri Mar 26, 2021 4:45 am

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines...but catscan.

But can the cats perform Lab tests?

-"BB"-

What about a PET scan?

My nose was running. My wife thought it was funny but it's snot.

What works faster than a calculator? A calcu-now.

Woke up this morning with a stir fry on my pillow.
Think I was sleepwoking again.