Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

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ex-khobar Andy
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Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by ex-khobar Andy »

As reported in the Guardian.
Dave’s top 10 funniest jokes of the Fringe festival 2022. [The award is named the Dave. I have no idea why. The percentage after each is the jury's score.]
1. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta – Masai Graham (52%)

2. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery? – Mark Simmons (37%)

3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock – Olaf Falafel (36%)

4. By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family – Hannah Fairweather (35%)

5. I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person – Will Mars (34%)

6. I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back – Olaf Falafel (33%)

7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx – Richard Pulsford (29%)

8. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery – Tim Vine (28%)

9. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate – Sophie Duker (27%)

10. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days – Will Duggan (25%)
I think I like #7 the best. And #10.

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BoSoxGal
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by BoSoxGal »

Is #7 funny because FedEx is slow?
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ex-khobar Andy
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by ex-khobar Andy »

Break it down to a sentence: Fed Ex. Fed is a verb, Ex is a noun. It took me a few seconds and I am not sure I would have got it if I had heard it as part of a routine.

#6 is good too.

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Gob
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by Gob »

Prime examples of the dire state of current UK "comedy".
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”

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BoSoxGal
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by BoSoxGal »

ex-khobar Andy wrote:
Mon Aug 22, 2022 8:01 am
Break it down to a sentence: Fed Ex. Fed is a verb, Ex is a noun. It took me a few seconds and I am not sure I would have got it if I had heard it as part of a routine.

#6 is good too.
Doh! :loon


Thanks very much! :oops:
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MGMcAnick
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by MGMcAnick »

7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx – Richard Pulsford (29%)

Well, good. I was trying to figure out why anyone would want to send a food parcel to their ex-wife. Laced with poison? I dunno. Mine's still dead, just like Generalisimo Francisco Franco. No FedEx involved.

"Prime examples of the dire state of current UK "comedy"?"

Agreed.
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BoSoxGal
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by BoSoxGal »

MGMcAnick wrote:
Tue Aug 23, 2022 10:10 pm
7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx – Richard Pulsford (29%)

Well, good. I was trying to figure out why anyone would want to send a food parcel to their ex-wife. Laced with poison? I dunno. Mine's still dead, just like Generalisimo Francisco Franco. No FedEx involved.

"Prime examples of the dire state of current UK "comedy"?"

Agreed.
Dire? I don’t know; these three made me chuckle out loud - a rare occasion.


3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock – Olaf Falafel (36%)

9. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate – Sophie Duker (27%)

10. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days – Will Duggan (25%)
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan

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Bicycle Bill
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Re: Funniest one liners from this year's Edinburgh festival

Post by Bicycle Bill »

9. Don’t knock threesomes.  Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate – Sophie Duker (27%)
Re: threesomes, and why most women don't seem to care for them.

If the configuration is FFM, unless both women are truly bisexual one of them almost always spends a lot of time waiting for her turn.  And of course, there ain't one man in a hundred who can properly satisfy two women at once.

And because of male ego, pride, and maybe a certain amount of innate jealousy ('Why am I letting that other SOB bang my gal?'), a MMF three-way is like a home-made rocket ship — apt to blow up and scorch you badly.  But from the woman's POV, if it holds together, it's totally worth the risk.
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