Plan B Forum

i dunno

you finish it

And the dog says, "Do you think I should've said Dimaggio?"

You only wanted the punch line, right?

... gets a bruise.

A man walks into a bar and ....

... sees, standing next to the bartender, this giant gorilla.

So the man, he sits at the bar, orders a drink, and says, "What's with the gorilla?"

The bartender says, "Watch." Then he begins to start, like, hitting the gorilla. And the gorilla, he bends over and gives the bartender a blow job! When they're finished the bartender turns to the man and says, "Wanna try?"

"Sure!" says the man, "Just don't hit me so hard!".

A man walks into a bar ...

with a newt on his shoulder.

He told the bartender that the newt's name was Tiny.

"Why?" asks the bartender.

"Because he's my newt!" replied the man.

So a grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Say, do you know we have a drink named after you?"

"That's ridiculous" says the grasshopper. "Why would anyone name a drink 'Bob'?"

So a dyslexic walks into a bra...

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

So, a man walks into a bar holding an alligator. He asks the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"

The bartender says, "Yes, of course we do!"

"Good," says the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

A scouser walks into a bar and orders a pint. Soon a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big scouser.
Leaning over, he whispers into his ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the scouserleaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.
Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says.
"Just what did he say to you?"
"I'm not sure" the scouser replies.
"Something about a job."

A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?"

Guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
As he goes up to the bar the beerkeep looks at him with utter incredulity. And says; Right then, what's that all that about?

The guy looks down and shakes his head, obviously annoyed, and says; I dunno mate, but it's driving me nuts...

A man walks into a bar wearing cellophane trousers and underwear. The barman says, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer, before problems start!" The bartender gives him a beer, and the man drinks it. The man orders a beer again saying, "Give me another beer, before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"

A kid walks into a bar ...

"Hey Bartender. Pour me a cold one."

"Hey, go on, kid, you wanna get me in trouble?"

"Maybe later; right now I just wanna beer."

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Bobby. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Danny," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Bobby.

Danny replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Bobby.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Danny.

This was jokes about the Bar...

So Rene Descartes walks into a bar, orders a beer, and sits there slowly drinking it. After a while the bartender asks him if he'll have another. "I think not," says Descartes...and *POOF* he vanishes.

Bwahahahaha! I love that one!

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar. "Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, and swallow the worm, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."



"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."



"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had an orgasm. You have to take care of that problem."



The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!" He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says,

"Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"