My e-mail from abroad

[Miles]

I am once again on the fast track e-mail list from Nigeria. Everything from packages through Fed Ex to bank drafts and cash. I have also been approached to adopt an 18 year old, they did not specify male or female, but assured me of prompt delivery in excellent physical condition.

I have never felt so special in all my life. Complete strangers wanting to shower me with wealth and even offering me their children.

[Sean]

I love baiting Nigerian scammers. The way I see it, if they are wasting their time thinking that they are going to get money from me then they are not using that time to claim an actual victim. It's even better if you can get them to reveal real details about themselves which can then be passed on to the appropriate authorities.

I've got a couple on the go at the moment. They've been swapping emails with me for nearly two weeks now...

[Crackpot]

I thought you said it was from A broad?

[dales]

I sure they have some of them in Nigeria working as spammers (nut-twisters?).

[Sean]

I had to let one of my Nigerian penpals go today. He had backed himself into a corner and there was no way forward. So I emailed him to tell him how I'd strung him along for a fortnight and about 30 emails. This was his reply:

Hahaha mr smart Allen, you are telling me the same thing I know before I started treating you like a full you are. My name is not john mac 2, hahahah you and your generation are all fuking mad and low life people. Mr smart Allen, you are leaning ok. Believe me that you don’t still have any of my real information. Mother fukker.

Oga I get money if you don’t know

My answer was straight and to the point...

You are correct to call me a motherfucker. After all, I did fuck your mother!

If past experience is anything to go by, this is the point where he will start to make physical threats towards me and curse me with the old "three bad things will happen to you in three weeks including your death" type thing. That is, of course, if he can find my reply amidst the mountains of spam which should have started magically appearing in his inbox since we began our correspondence...

[dales]

I like to "string along" phone solicitors in this fashion.

[Lord Jim]

"three bad things will happen to you in three weeks including your death"

Do they at least have the sense to make "death" last on the list?

[Gob]

We're getting loads of the phone calls from "Microsoft" to help us to "get rid of a virus" on our computer. My record is spinning one of these out for 20 mins. I always end by reminding them that Indian men, and it is always an Indian man, have the smallest penis' of any ethnic group.

[loCAtek]

I've fire-walled all that crap.

[Lord Jim]

I mentioned an up tick in those Nigerian scams a little while back...(I find the attempts in this round to convince the marks of how "religious" the con artists are, with crap like, "May God's Blessings Be Upon You" particularly offensive)

I've gotten so many notices for deliveries from Fed Ex, UPS and DSL, I'd need a warehouse to store all the stuff....(Now I'm getting these phishing virus attachments supposedly coming from the IRS as well...next I expect they'll start coming with the address "Mom"...)

I don't think they're the same bunch as the Nigerian money scammers...it's a totally different game...

I like to "string along" phone solicitors in this fashion.

I don't view most telemarketers at all the same way....

While there are some slick pro con artists, most of them are either young people, retired folks or people who have been laid off who are just trying to make ends meet doing an unpleasant job for very little money. I'm usually very tolerant and patient with them unless they get overly aggressive...

[dales]

Pt. well taken, Jim.

In these hard times, I must tip my fedora to those who must resort to making ends meet by harassing calling people at the most inorportune times.

[Lord Jim]

There's also the option of muting the ringer....

Oh wait a minute, I forgot...

You still have a rotary phone....

Well, you can always turn up the volume on your TV so you don't hear the phone if it rings....

Oh wait a minute I forgot...

No TV....

Okay, well turn up the volume on your radio then...



I believe it's the knob on the left....

[dales]

Yes, I still do have a rotary-dial phone and that radio is my cup of tea.

[Sean]

Just got this from one of my Nigerian penpals...

I don't need your money please, I am afraid of you. Take care

That was after I offered to wire 'her' $5k to get 'her' out of the refugee camp...

[Gob]

ROTFLMCO!!

[Gob]

A new tack!

Hello

FLIGHT NUMBER AA493
ELECTRONIC 4059186
DATE & TIME / FEBRUARY 16, 2012, 07:25 AM
ARRIVING / Shreveport
TOTAL PRICE / 327.86 USD

Please find your ticket attached.
You can print your ticket.

Thank you for using our airline company services.
American Airlines.

1 attachment ; ticket.zip

[Sean]

That looks less like somebody who wants your cash and more like somebody who wants to download something nasty to your PC.

Tell me you didn't open the attachment...

[BoSoxGal]

I wish I had a radio like that!

[Scooter]

A new tack!

Hello

FLIGHT NUMBER AA493
ELECTRONIC 4059186
DATE & TIME / FEBRUARY 16, 2012, 07:25 AM
ARRIVING / Shreveport
TOTAL PRICE / 327.86 USD

Please find your ticket attached.
You can print your ticket.

Thank you for using our airline company services.
American Airlines.

1 attachment ; ticket.zip

I can't see many people being fooled into opening that attachment. Who the fuck would want to go to Shreveport, even for free?

[BoSoxGal]