A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mum!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she'd come and pick me up from school.'
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
Two older women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob-job."
The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my arsehole bleached!"
"Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"
From my inbox
From my inbox
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: From my inbox
You sexist toad! 
Your collective inability to acknowledge this obvious truth makes you all look like fools.
yrs,
rubato
Re: From my inbox
Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
What's the matter? I asked.
I've got the big C, he said.
What, cancer?
No, dyslexia!!
Two dyslexics in a car.
One says to the other, "Can you smell petrol?"
The other says, "No, I can't even smell my own name.
What's the matter? I asked.
I've got the big C, he said.
What, cancer?
No, dyslexia!!
Two dyslexics in a car.
One says to the other, "Can you smell petrol?"
The other says, "No, I can't even smell my own name.
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”