Plan B Forum

Paddy goes to a florist and says; "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend.""
The florist says; "Certainly, what is it you're after?"
Paddy says; "A tit wank"

I was watching a film with my little boy last night as the wife was out.
He said; "Dad I'm getting scared, is that lady going to die?"
I said; "Probably son, judging by the size of that horse's cock..."

I went to hospital with a toilet brush up my arse.
The doctor asked; "How did this happen?"
I said; "Well, I met this fit lass in a club, one thing led to another and we ended up back at mine........"
He asked "Into the kinky stuff was she?"
"No", I replied "My wife was home".

"What are you watching?"
"Loose Women."
"Who's on this week?"
"They haven't stopped bitching and moaning, so I'm guessing all four of them."