Better than "3 Wolf t-shirt"
Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 9:36 am
A Whole New World [CD]
Katie Price and Peter Andre (Artist)
I was persuaded to purchase this record by my best friend Abdullah on the basis that it had cured his asthma. The story went that Abdullah had become more and more breathless as the album raged on, until finally during the penultimate track 'I've Had The Time Of My Life' Abdullah quite involuntarily let out a harrowing scream of pleasure and collapsed in a frenzy of fluid. From the moment Abdullah awoke in hospital it was discovered that his chronic asthma had completely subsided, leaving him with lungs 'comparible to that of a 2 year old dolphin' according to the duty nurse.
On listening to the album myself, I am inclined to believe Abdullah's story. I had barely made it through the intitial 30 seconds of 'a Whole new World' before I was forced to pause the record and take a shower. I had sweated so much that my many tattoos had faded to nothing and my hair had bleached itself white.
The impact this record will have on our world is comparible only to penicillin. Katie has the voice of a young Marvin Gaye, whilst Peter sounds like the smell of a new born baby. Separately, they are peerless - together, they are what an orgasm would look like if it were human.
If you are yet to listen to this record, you may as well be dead.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whole-World-Kat ... roduct_top
Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!! [Paperback]
Despite being written entirely in BLOCK CAPITALS, this self-published work conveys its message elegantly. In fact, you don't even need to read it to understand the main argument being put forward.
True, by avoiding this book you will miss out on the precise location of the heretical surfboard worshipped by the British royal family and the sinister significance of Abe Lincoln's unholy quadrille. You will also miss out on the explanation of why the Hairy-Eared Dwarf Lemur is really God's own tree-dwelling angel-on-earth and on the coded instructions showing how to grow a prize-winning mushroom, which the author cunningly gleaned from a close textural analysis of St. Paul's third birthday card to the Corinthians.
That aside, my big problem with this book is that the 'birth control is sinful' message is difficult for most regular-looking people to put into practice. I wonder if this lack of guidance is down to the author's own sexual inexperience brought about by her scary fanaticism and a face that would scare a dog out of a butcher's shop.
http://www.amazon.com/CONTROL-CHRISTIAN ... _sbs_gro_8
Box Canvas Print of Paul Ross
WOW
I've been looking for a 20 Inch Box Canvass of Paul Ross since my (completely inferior) 18 Inch Box Canvass of Paul Ross was damaged during a Barium Enema. Thankfully this Canvass really is excellent. The quality of print complements the sheer majesty of Paul's cherubic face.
For a while I considered mounting a large number of these on my ceiling to create a Paul Ross canvass ceiling but unfortunately I realised that this is what my wife would be staring at during our frenzied horizontal moments, and what kind of a man can compare to Paul Ross in the bedroom? "No-one" I hear you cry!
I've ordered four of these now:
One of them is above the fireplace and is naturally the pride of our entire home.
On the second canvass I've cut out the section where Paul's face is, and when I drive to pick up the kids I wear the canvass and pretend that I'm a famous celebrity dad, the kids simply love it.
The third is purely for recreational purposes, I've cut a whole where Paul's mouth would be because my wife has demanded that we French kiss through the hole (I want to point out that I wear the canvass for kissing, not her! Although I'd gladly turn for just one of Paul's tender mouth hugs.)
The fourth is a backup.
In summary - hot shot city is a particularly good track.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Inch-Canvas-51c ... B001N6W8U0
Bic Crystal Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black
Since taking delivery of my pen I have been very happy with the quality of ink deposition on the various types of paper that I have used. On the first day when I excitedly unwrapped my pen (thanks for the high quality packaging Amazon!) I just couldn't contain my excitement and went around finding things to write on, like the shopping list on the notice board in our kitchen, the Post-it notes next to the phone, and on my favourite lined A4 pad at the side of my desk.
My pen is the transparent type with a blue lid. I selected this one in preference to the orange type because I like to be able to see how much ink I have left so that I can put in another order before I finally run out.
When the initial excitement of taking delivery of my new pen started to wear off I realised that I shouldn't just write for the fun of it, this should be a serious enterprise, so by the second day of ownership I started to take a little more care of what I wrote. I used it to sign three letters, and in each case was perfectly happy with the neatness of handwriting that I was able to achieve.
I have a helpful tip for you that you might not know about - if you let the ink dry for a few seconds you can avoid the smudging that sometimes happens if you rub the ink immediately after writing. Fortunately the ink used in this particular Bic pen seems to dry very quickly.
On the third day of ownership I went on a trip to London and took my pen carefully packed away in my brief case, but I needn't have worried, this isn't some temperamental ink pen that leaks when you store it at the wrong angle. I sat at my meeting and confidently removed the cap from my pen and it wrote flawlessly, almost immediately.
I notice that the barrel of the pen has been crafted very carefully to fit in the pen holder down the edge of my Filofax. It's not so grippy so that it is hard to remove when I want to make a quick note, and yet not so loose that it falls out too easily when I open my Filofax in a hurry. Maybe the choice of surface texture on the pen has some part to play here, because it seems that the inside of the leather grip on the pen holder in my Filofax has just the right level of adhesion that I can be confident when I need to reach in and get my pen it's going to be just where I left it!
Today is the fourth day of ownership of my pen, and I have to say I'm starting to treat it like an old friend. I walk around the office with it clipped in to my shirt pocket and someone in the accounts department actually asked to borrow it while we were both standing at the photocopier. Would you believe it, they actually tried to walk away with my pen! They were very embarrassed when I called after them as they walked down the corridor and asked for it back. You will be happy to know that it is now back, safe and sound in my top pocket, ready and waiting to start writing again.
In summary, I would happily recommend this pen to anyone who is planning on writing on paper. If you are considering a writing implement for some other surface such as writing on a CD, or other non-porous substances then another pen might be better suited, but if it's just plain old paper then I think you will probably be well served by this particular model.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crystal-Ballpoi ... B000JTOYLS
Uranium Ore
I bought this to power a home-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in land-locked lakes around my home town in Alaska. At first I wasn't sure if this item would (or could) arrive via mail, but I was glad to see it showed up with no problems. Well, almost no problems.
Unfortuantly my mom opened my mail, because she does not respect people's privacy. She was pretty upset to see Uranium Ore. After a long argument and me running away from home again, she finaly stopped being such an idiot and I was able to get back to work.
The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker.
http://www.amazon.com/Uranium-Ore/dp/B0 ... roduct_top
Penetrating Wagner's "Ring" (Da Capo Paperback) [Paperback]
Nothing can prepare you for the Ring. Its sublime textures, its dark passages, and its climactic final moments leave one exhausted and spent. In this groundbreaking work John L. DiGaetani succeeds in exploring what it takes to - literally - penetrate the Ring.
Wagner was a man of filthy personal habits and ate a very poor diet. He was grouchy and sometimes didn't leave his bed for days and days, even to wash. A lot of people think that this is why his Ring grew into something so enormous and troublesome. DiGaetani argues a contrary view: that the unmanagible size of Wagner's Ring is an act of Will - that it was the ultimate expression of Wagner's attempt to obliterate all that had gone before him that drove him to such excesses as inserting swords, helmets, anvils, speers and a giant worm into his Ring. The end result, argues DiGaetani, is a structure which although circular, runs red with blood and gives both seering pain and intense pleasure.
For me the greatest achievement of this book is the long section wherein the author gives guidance on how the Ring can be relevant to audiences today. In one passage guiding us through the subtext of Siegfried's death (he is impailed in the back by the rough and burly Hagen) he quite literally brings the viewer to the point of wishing to BE Siegfried and to die as that hero died, in a state of unqualified adoration and radiant bliss.
I would recommend this book for more serious Wagner scholars, as much of the material takes for granted an understanding of the structure, form, and perceived limits of those many layers of ancient sentiment which subconsciously adhere to the many inner recesses of this epic and awful work whose cavernous chambers lie hidden from the uninitiated. To penetrate the Ring prematurely would lead to a raw and ungratifying experience.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Penetrating-Wag ... 796&sr=1-1