Plan B Forum

For sale: two-bed terrace 'with all the charm and poise of a vicar on crack'



Most estate agents describe properties as having development potential or boasting charming character features. However, Julian Bending is unusually blunt in his approach to selling houses.

In the past, he has described houses as grubby, cramped, and dirty.

Other adverts have included descriptions such as "original and grim late Seventies conversion"; "the perfect country retreat for a tidy person who likes sheep;" and "would suit witch". In another, the estate agent warned customers tempted to view a £110,000 house about its "pong". "Dear God, it's difficult to imagine a more disgusting house than this," the details read.

Mr Bending, who runs Ralph Bending Estate Agents, in Glastonbury, Somerset, has risked offending Christian groups with his latest adverts.

A two-bedroom terrace in Glastonbury is advertised as "having all the charm and poise of a vicar on crack" and at £155,000 is said to be "suitable for a midget".

On the other hand an elegant stable conversion in Wells is said to be ideal for a "vicar with a fetish". Mr Bending said his descriptions had been popular with both sellers and buyers, whom he claimed were fed up with misleading information from estate agents.

"There's the most incredible strength in honesty," he said.

"If you get called up by an estate agent and they tell you somewhere is lovely and perfect for you and it's not, they have no trust in you. If people ring us up we say, 'No it's horrible, don't bother', if it isn't what they want.

"People thank us and say, 'It's exactly how you said, thanks for not wasting our time', while sellers are also grateful they don't have to bother with people who aren't interested."

Sellers who go through Bending's have no control over how he describes their homes. He has been investigated twice by the Advertising Standards Agency, but it ruled that both anonymous objections to his adverts were without foundation.

He was however banned from advertising two properties in his local newspaper four years ago when he made a risque joke about waking up next to a "massive erection" – in reference to Glastonbury Tor.

His latest advertisements have been taken in good humour by the Diocese of Bath and Wells.

A spokesman said: "We can't get upset. It's quirky and a bit heavy-handed. We don't need crack to get high.

"We're reaching for the heavens through spiritual means."