oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure

[Gob]

How sick am I to put snowmobiling above this poor womans comfort in her final days???? How selfish and self centered am I? Makes me sick to my stomach that I feel this way, that I can even get a little annoyed at her for preventing me from going snowmobiling.

Normal and natural, we all have these sort of thoughts.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Gob's right , oldr. Even when people are dying, your own life goes on. I think it's a matter of bringing the death into the sphere of life and accommodating it along with all the things one must do - sleep, eat, go to work, go to meetings, whatever is necessary. Somehow I doubt your MIL's quality of life at this time would be injured if you did take the snowmobile out a bit - you're doing a lot with and for your family and you need to stay healthy too. That includes, I believe, not pressing more anguish onto your self.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Snowmobiling entails driving up to teh lake house (170miles) so it's not just hopping on the machine and going out for a ride. It's usually a two-three day jaunt.
But I'm cool now.
Just didn't want to stay in the selfish, self centered thinking that us alcoholics made a life mission.
Thanks everyone.

[Big RR]

oldr--I know how you feel; I rarely get the time I want to ski, especially when my kids were younger. A number of years ago (about 15) a really good friend of mine died suddenly of a stroke. He was young and just became a father for the first time. I knew we had to be there for his wife and daughter, but I had a 3 day ski trip planned for the same time and thought several times, why couldn't it have been last or next week? I never regretted staying and helping with the funeral and other arrangements (and I know this was appreciated), but we can't help how we feel. It's part of being human.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Damn these feelings. Alcohol used to take care of them. Now I have to deal with them.
But it's a pleasure really.

[oldr_n_wsr]

My prospect has come back from the cruise with his daughter. He drank and was still drinking on saturday night when I went to his house (after a meeting). Falling down drunk. When he goes out, he really goes out.
Got him to bed, actually on the recliner with a pillow and banket. Read some of "The Doctors Opinion" chapter of the big book. Gave him some "suggestions".

Went back there yesterday and he was in his usual post-drinking sickness. Don't think he was drinking but he was puking and guilt ridden. Bought him some OJ, ginger ale and saltines minus the salt (are they just "Tines" then?). Told him he has to get and stay "not drinking" this time. I say "not drinking" as being "sober" means being of sound mind. The sound mind will come later, right now he has to not drink. He has a meeting with his PO in a week.

Left him a message this morning to give me a call when he feels up to it.

I am praying for him and giving him what guidance I can. After that it is up to him. I cannot get him nor keep him sober, only be there to help him up and show him how I did it.

ETA
My "trail guide" was right, helping others gets me "out of myself" and my selfish thoughts. Not a "what's in it for me" or "I wanna do..." thought all weekend.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Hi, I'm oldr_n_wsr and I am an alcoholic. I had 15 months of sobriety but now I have about 15 hours.
I drank last night. Don't know why other than the obsession came back and I listened to it.
My wife asked if I was happy with my life. I told her it has nothing to do with being happy. I drank/drink when I was happy, when I was sad, when it's a nice day or a crappy day. Doesn't matter. We drink because we are alcoholics.
Gotta call my sponsor and let him know. You guys (other than my wife) are the first to know.

On the plus side, I get to do the steps again.

[Sue U]

Wow.

What is it they say? "One day at a time." Trite, cliche, and absolutely true.

Take a few deep breaths, then keep breathing.

You already know what to do.

[Joe Guy]

One small bump on a long road. Don't dwell on it. Continue on your chosen path.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks guys, it does mean a lot to me.
Gotta call my sponsor/tour guide and let him know. Also have to 'fess up to my group. Feel bad that I let my family down. But they are still on my side.
I still feel like shit though. But feeling like shit is part of life sometimes.
I'm sober today (so far).

[Lord Jim]

I think Joe said it best.

[Gob]

Joe nailed it.

[Big RR]

I absolutely agree with Joe Guy; we all stumble, but it's what you do afterwards that counts. Get up and keep moving forward. All the best.

[BoSoxGal]

Relapse is part of recovery - keep the faith, we have faith in you!

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks
Just spent the last 12 days in the hospital. A couple in ICU, a couple in a regular room and then 8 in the psych ward.
Seems on July 30th I attempted suicide. Drank some (3/4 of a liter) cheap vodka and took 30 BP pills and 30 antianxiety pills. Wife found me passed out on the couch and called 911.
Had to drink about a pint charcoal in the ER then shit pitch black for 4 days. Took a couple of days to get me stabilized. Shots in the stomach and arm, IV, breathing tube.....
Diagnosed as clinically depressed. Took a few days in the psych ward to get the right combo of meds, but all is well now. As well as it can be.
Totally out of character as I never even had a fleeting thought about offing myself. Scares the crap out of me. Also I am back on the antabuse. I don't ever ever ever want to drink again, but I can only settle for not drinking today.
I thank my higher power for giving me this new chance.
Back to work on Thursday after a follow up evaluation tomorrow. (if they say it's cool)
Back to Step One. (not a bad thing)

[Crackpot]

Wow. Glad you're still with us. At least you have the diagnosis now and you can start the process of learning to cope.

[Lord Jim]

Like I said in my email oldr, you're a very lucky man. Do whatever you need to do to and get whatever help you need to hang in.

[BoSoxGal]

I'm grateful you are still with us, oldr.

[Long Run]

Best wishes and I am glad you made it.

[Gob]

Mate, that takes a lot of guts to admit. So glad you are with us still, and again. Keep working on it, keep being honest.