oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure

[wesw]

could be the heat.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Went to group last night and all is well now. I prayed for relief before going and the dynamics of the group last night were great and blahs went away.

could be the heat.

Possibly. I am a cold weather person.

On a winter forecast note. The oaks are dropping acorns already, and not little ones, medium size. Early acarns usually that means a bad (good in my mind) winter. Plenty of cold and snow.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Had my colonoscopy yesterday. All polyps are gone now. Have an appt for week after next with biopsy results but no worries as the doc wasn't worried. Two years til I have to go again. Woo hoo.

Feeling especially connected lately. Keeping myself on the spiritual beam. Lots to be grateful for and I know it.
Almost forgot, July 31, Aug 1 was one year of sobriety. I say both dates as July 30 was my suicide attempt, July 31 was my first day of not drinking and Aug 1 was the first day I was sober. Also, if I chose July 31 as my sober date, then there would be years when I celebrated my anniversary with my group before my actual sober date. Next year July 31 is on a saturday and we celebrate anniversaries on the last friday of the month. I don't like to celebrate before the actual date. No chance of that if I choose to celebrate in August.
Also been going on a bunch of speaking engagements at groups around the island and am going to speak at the AA share-a-thon in October. People seem to like my messages which started out totally off the cuff. I try and tailor it to the type of meeting I am speaking at. Hope it helps some people.
Go in peace.

[Big RR]

I'm sure it does oldr--maybe even more than you know. A number of years ago one of my daughters was caught drinking underage (she was 15 or 16 as I recall) and the judge agreed to dismiss the case if she'd attend an AA meeting and write about what she learned. I went with her to a public meeting of one of the groups in our church and found the stories told to be interesting. The one that seemed to make the biggest impression on her was a young man who lost everything because of alcohol and drugs, but was just happy to be alive and sober. She mentioned that in her paper to the judge and in the statement about it she made in the courtroom; I won't say she never drank again but she did it more responsibly and still avoids the drunken parties some teens and young adults find so attractive. That young man made a difference in her life at the time and got her to consider what she was doing a bit more critically (not that she was a drunk or a partier, but who knows what road she might have gone down). I'm sure your talks do the same for some, and that's quite an achievement.

[Long Run]

Had my colonoscopy yesterday. All polyps are gone now. Have an appt for week after next with biopsy results but no worries as the doc wasn't worried. Two years til I have to go again. Woo hoo.
* * *
July 31, Aug 1 was one year of sobriety.

Congratulations on both counts! Keep up the good health.

[Gob]

This is the best thread on Plan B.

[wesw]

I agree with gob

[oldr_n_wsr]

This is the best thread on Plan B.

Don't go feeding my ego, it's not good for us.

But thanks, it means a lot to me that people are reading it getting something out of it.

BigRR
Your daughter seems to have a good ear. She actually listens, processes and relates which is a great quality. I wish all beginners (and some that are already there) in the rooms would have the same.

Thanks again to all.

[oldr_n_wsr]

I'm having a dilemma. This lady that I have been picking up to take to meetings has been having a rough go of it. She's been drinking and smoking crack in abundance (her disability check arrived last week and before that she was making some money cashiering at the local dollar store). The guy in the place she was living at(another members apartment who was kind enough to let her stay there for a bit) had to call the cops on her as she was very beligerant, intoxicated and walking around half naked in the halls of his apt house. She had been drinking and smoking all night. (this was saturday morning and he called to give me a heads up)

I knew for a few weeks that she had relapsed (and still was in her relapse) as there were more than a few times she called to get a ride to a meeting and when I got there was no where to be found. She said she had called me to say she wasn't going to those meetings, but I had no message on either voicemail nor did me or my wife answer a call from her. That's been her MO when she goes back out.

Anyway, she has been calling me all weekend (and any other member of our group) trying to find a place to live among other things (money, booze, etc). I have been avoiding her calls to me as I talked to my sponsor about it and he said let her sort it out herself as this is not the first time she has caused this to happen to herself. (this is the 5th place she has been kicked out of this past year or so, one of which she got kicked out of twice). Basically she has been blacklisted from most (all?) of the sober houses in the area. I don't know where she is staying now.

Then I remembered this:

“I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that I am responsible”.

I take this saying very personally as I was a cronic relapser to the point that i was really a drunk with some time not drinking, and still people in AA accepted me back each time. Maybe it was because I didn't push people to the breaking point as she has. But as the third tradition states, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking" and that I had, I just wasn't ready to do the work.

I do feel like I should at least make reach out to her and talk to her about what she is doing to herself. Maybe I can help. Maybe not. I don't know.

I think I'll call my sponsor during my lunch hour and talk it over.
In the mean time I have asked my higher power to watch over her.

Thanks for listening.

[MajGenl.Meade]

First, I commend your desire to help. But then... it's not right for a married man to be accompanying a woman under any circumstance like this. You open yourself to all manner of abuse and it is entirely inappropriate

Next: when you are at a meeting, yes - you should extend the hand of acceptance but don't beat on yourself for not doing things that you should not do anyway

That is not the same thing as becoming a dogsbody for this woman - providing transport, counselling, money, board and lodging etc. (I know you weren't proposing to do all that - it's the same principle involved though).

This is called enabling. Having dealt with some alcohol issues in my family (nothing so heavy as you indicate), I know we're not supposed to make it easy for people to indulge their bad behavior.

So again, kudos to you for desiring to help. But please oldr, keep your help to what is right and what is appropriate. FInd her a woman member to drive her if you must... but you need to be distanced from self-destructive behavior. Please be safe

[oldr_n_wsr]

But then... it's not right for a married man to be accompanying a woman under any circumstance like this.

There is the "rule" (advice) that ones does not go on a 12th step call alone and I think it's great advice and abide by it.

That is not the same thing as becoming a dogsbody for this woman - providing transport, counselling, money, board and lodging etc. (I know you weren't proposing to do all that - it's the same principle involved though).

Only talking on the phone is what I would do. But I do have a character flaw of not being able to say "no" (people pleaser?). I have been getting better at it but it still has not been removed. Thus I do the dis-honorable thing? and avoid.

So again, kudos to you for desiring to help. But please oldr, keep your help to what is right and what is appropriate. FInd her a woman member to drive her if you must... but you need to be distanced from self-destructive behavior. Please be safe

I guess I am seeking approval for not helping and/or avoiding the situation.

I talked to my sponsor and he said to stay away. So I guess I have "approval" to avoid the whole situation.
Still doesn't sit right but......
Thanks again

[Big RR]

I agree with Meade (who ever thought this day would come?); by all means extend the hand and help to guide her when she reaches out for help with her addiction(s), but there is a fine line between aiding and enabling and you have to watch not to cross over that. Direct her towards help (possibly contact her sponsor or someone else and get them to reach out to her), but don't do the work for her. Some people will only admit they have a problem when they hit rock bottom, and preventing them from doing that, however well intentioned, is not helping them. And, as true as it is, that's a hard lesson to learn.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Her sponsor (a 70+yo) fell and broke her hip so I don't know how much she can help. And this lady does not have many females in her "support group" (if any).

I'm staying out of it. Maybe she'll find a way to tonights meeting (or a trip to detox/rehab). We shall see.

Thanks for all your input.

[Gob]

O-n-W, you need to look after you and yours first. This person could put a strain on you which could lead to consequences.

[wesw]

other than helping her get sober, if she decides to get sober, there is little you can do.

tell her you will praying for her to be strong enough to do it and that you may be able to help her if she is sober.

right now she is just taking any enabling that she can get, or so it seems to me. nothing you can do except to advise her, wisely, to make changes in her thinking so that she can be saved.

just my view

wes

[oldr_n_wsr]

Rumor has it she is out on the street (maybe in some crack house). She has tried to contact most of the group with some success. Some tried to get her to go to Talbot House, an addiction crisis center (I spent some time there) but she wanted no part of it. If she is not willing to go there, then me not contacting her was my best response.
I am praying for her.

[oldr_n_wsr]

No word on her fate. People have tried calling her bt got her voicemail. Phone might need charging. Hope she made it to an in-patient facility.

On another note, I met with my counselor yesterday and I am finishing up with the group sessions and counselor meetings. aka I have "completed". woo hooo. Clean for over a year, although they did find trace amounts of opiates in an early pee test that I think came from eating poppy seeded bagels/rolls. (a likely story ).

It's a good time to move on as the group counselor (who also happens to be my counselor/case worker) is also moving on to a new position.

So yesterday was my last one-on-one meeting and this coming tuesday will be my last group session and monday Aug 31 will be my last meeting with the shrink. My anti anxiety and depression meds have been transferred to my PCP (who originally prescribed them years ago, only change the shrink made was dosages). They are giving me a refferal to an outside shrink if/when I might need one. But i really don't need it as my high school buddy is a shrink and I talk/email with him about twice a week. And i have no trouble telling him everything. But it's good to have a backup.

They (the out-patient people) have been asking me for a couple of months if I wanted to "complete" but I liked going to the group meetings. There is a "back and forth" that the people in the meetings have that we don't have in AA meetings. That and I was a little "scared" at leaving the group that has helped me so much stay sober tover this year. But I talked to my counselor and we both agreed it's time. I figure I will just go to an AA meeting on tuesday nights instead of the group meeting. I don't like change very much, but "life" doesn't really care what I like so I will accept it and not make such a big deal out of it. (us addicts have a habit of making a mountain out of a molehill)

Anyway
Thanks for listening.

[Gob]

Congratulations mate, you've graduated from the school of hard knocks!

Taff

[Long Run]

Great news. Keep up the good living and maintaining the focus on the important things!

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks.
Learned a bunch anxiety/depression coping skills and how to recognize the early symptoms so I can head them off before they get too large.