My doctor's birthday present to me

[Scooter]

To mark having passed my 50th year, my doctor ordered a colonoscopy for me. It is scheduled for tomorrow. I have spent the day eating lemon and lime jello (no red or purple colourings allowed) and drinking broth, apple and white grape juice, ginger ale, and sports drinks (have been trying to alternate so as not to grow sick of any of them, isn't working). The "cleansing" solution I was given is taking it's sweet time to work, a very little at a time; I was expecting something a bit more "forceful" - I am supposed to take another dose at 11pm and I will have to be up for hours afterwards if this first pass is any indication.

After I'm done tomorrow I am going to eat a whole pizza.

[Gob]

Been there, done that, shat myself inside out. (Picolax)

Best of luck mate, hope you get a good result.

ETA: good for a chuckle

[Lord Jim]

Went through that very reluctantly several years ago (after much insistence from Lady Kelly and my sister; they ganged up on me on that one...) ...

It all came out okay ( no pun intended) not looking forward to going through it again in a few more years...

[Joe Guy]

...The "cleansing" solution I was given is taking it's sweet time to work...

Maybe you're not as full of shit as you thought...

[BoSoxGal]

Or we thought.

Seriously, though - best wishes Scoot.

[Beer Sponge]

Good luck Scooter! Hope all is well for you!

[dales]

Never had it done and never will.

[Scooter]

Thanks all, it's just a routine screen, no anticipation of any issues.

[RayThom]

To mark having passed my 50th year, my doctor ordered a colonoscopy for me.

Due to my sarcoidosis I get ass probed every two years. So you know, 15 years ago the scoping showed one (1) polyp. It was removed and I've been clear ever since. BTW -- polyps should not be feared, especially when caught early.

Here's the secret to a successful pipe cleaning. A few days before your bung breach start eating soft, light, foods. 24 hours before the procedure dissolve 10-12 ounces of MiraLax powder into 64 ounces of CLEAR Gator-Ade -- your choice of flavors -- and wash down 4 Bisacodyl 5mg tablets with plain water while mixing the final solution. Refrigerate the mix and then 12-14 hours before the scoping start drinking the cocktail -- 8 ounces about every 15 minutes until it's completely gone.

Wait for the intestinal revolt and then quickly take a book, or word puzzles, or laptop, to the loo and buckle your seatbelt. Clear and repeat 2 or 3 more times until all that is coming out looks like the consommé that mom used to make. Don't take any meds UNLESS absolutely required. If not, take any you need with you and take them after you (hopefully) awaken from your "Michael Jackson" Propofol nappy-poo.

When all is said and done the prep is worse than the scope. May the 'force' be with you. Good luck.

[Gob]

To mark having passed my 50th year, my doctor ordered a colonoscopy for me.

Due to my sarcoidosis I get ass probed every two years. So you know, 15 years ago the scoping showed one (1) polyp. It was removed and I've been clear ever since. BTW -- polyps should not be feared, especially when caught early.

I had 6 removed in my last bum mining.

[oldr_n_wsr]

I had it done in April and another in August. the doc stopped counting after removing 20 polyps (in April) and he had me come back in august to get the rest. All came back negative for cancer. Next one is in two years.
The poop juice worked well enough. Only had to drink it around 6pm the night before then drink some more 8 hours before appointment along with a bunch of glasses of gatorade.

Good luck scooter. Hope all goes well.

[Scooter]

Just got back - no issues, except the doctor saying, "You have the biggest internal hemorrhoid I've ever seen," and going through several potential causes, none of which applied to me. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I thought the cause might have been.

[Joe Guy]

.....I didn't have the heart to tell him what I thought the cause might have been.

Too much liberty?

[oldr_n_wsr]

[RayThom]

..."You have the biggest internal hemorrhoid I've ever seen," and going through several potential causes, none of which applied to me...

How about excessive alcohol consumption? I had major hemorrhoid problems for years until I stopped drinking. I've now been 'roid free since November 15, 1981. I still have an almost unused tube of Preparation H® Ointment. I'll send it to you for free if you want it. All you have to do is clean the insertion tip. Let me know.

[dales]

Code: Select all

you know it will be a bad day when you mistake your hemlube for your toothpaste

..................sorry, the joke just slid into my mind.