It's a bitch getting old...

[RayThom]

I'm only 66 but I plan to be around for a while longer unless I choose otherwise. My mom made it to 89 (cancer, not age) and my father died at 94. That is about average for both sides of my family.

My friends who matter most are at least a generation younger than myself. Through them I live vicariously and as long as they progress in an orderly fashion I derive satisfaction in my life. And, of course, there is my wonderful daughter who is 25. I don't want to miss any of the milestones that come our way and she wants me to stick around for them.

I feel good health is 80% mental and I'm quite comfortable in this delusion. Yes, I'd surely like to be more robust and flexible in my every day life but that's the old me. Now it's one day at a time... and I feel fine.

Do you realize, that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize, we're floating in space,
Do you realize, that happiness makes you cry
Do you realize, that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize, oh, oh, oh
Do you realize, that everyone you know
Someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize, that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize -- Flaming Lips

[BoSoxGal]

It IS all about attitude - live as long as you are happy to, no matter the aches or pains!

[MajGenl.Meade]

Falling apart as I am (and as it appears are many of us, suddenly, since April), I realized this morning that this physical "me" is not really "me". The I of I is the one who loves and is loved. The I of I is what continues, even when the body begins to break down as it must do and is doing and will do.

It is a joy that my wife, my children, my grandchildren do not think me ugly as age has its way. They don't turn from my company because I can't play tennis any more. They don't think less of me because that young and, yes, slim person vanished inside this somewhat wider caricature. And I do not enjoy them less because my body is wearing down.

Who am I? Shakespeare was wrong. Even as the windows dim or the strong men weaken, I am not and never shall be "sans everything". What is me never was and never is simply rotting meat.

It might be said that I'm not yet badly off enough to despair - not blind or deaf or paralyzed. Perhaps then I might think that there is longer a "me" of any worth. But then again, I have a hope and a certainty contained in this jar of clay that transcends such temporary afflictions.

2 Corinthians

5 Our bodies are like tents that we live in here on earth. But when these tents are destroyed, we know that God will give each of us a place to live. These homes will not be buildings that someone has made, but they are in heaven and will last forever. 2 While we are here on earth, we sigh because we want to live in that heavenly home. 3 We want to put it on like clothes and not be naked.

4 These tents we now live in are like a heavy burden, and we groan. But we don’t do this just because we want to leave these bodies that will die. It is because we want to change them for bodies that will never die. 5 God is the one who makes all of this possible. He has given us his Spirit to make us certain that he will do it. 6 So always be cheerful!

As long as we are in these bodies, we are away from the Lord. 7 But we live by faith, not by what we see. 8 We should be cheerful, because we would rather leave these bodies and be at home with the Lord. 9 But whether we are at home with the Lord or away from him, we still try our best to please him. 10 After all, Christ will judge each of us for the good or the bad that we do while living in these bodies.

[TPFKA@W]

Age in and of itself does not rob you of the I that you were. Dementia/Alzheimer's on the other hand can and will. Hopefully most of us will dodge that bullet.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Indeed, a hope for all of us and those we love. Margaretta and I recently watched "Mr. Holmes". What a very small and quiet movie with such huge talent and importance. It is a ruthless and yet very far from hopeless view of "senility", as Holmes terms it. But perhaps it was rather a rose-colored lens. Our own (thankfully few) relatives who have gone that route were pitiful in their awareness of lostness but, in their cases at least, it didn't seem to last long before the unawareness took over. Even then, they remained loved.

[TPFKA@W]

Because I am bent on spreading hopeless gloom and doom in this thread I will point out that many people do not remain "loved", if they were loved at all in the first place.
My money is on Karma.

[Lord Jim]

Because I am bent on spreading hopeless gloom and doom in this thread

That's okay @W...

You have a talent for being Debbie Downer...

[MajGenl.Meade]

Because I am bent on spreading hopeless gloom and doom in this thread I will point out that many people do not remain "loved", if they were loved at all in the first place. My money is on Karma.

But I would argue that they are loved even though some do not believe it is so. Karma - not working so well for almost... well, all of eternity.

[BoSoxGal]

But we ARE just slowly rotting meat . . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust . . . and there is no guarantee of 'life everlasting.'

And no, I don't need the biblical 'proof' - live NOW, love NOW, care about justice NOW!

[MajGenl.Meade]

That's what I said! (Well, Paul anyway)

But whether we are at home with the Lord or away from him, we still try our best to please him. 10 After all, Christ will judge each of us for the good or the bad that we do while living in these bodies.

I don't know why "rotting meat" would bother. All it's good for is... nothing but growing maggots.

[wesw]

cheer up bigsky, we are just badly bruised meat with time to heal before death comes and the flesh does rot..., or is incinerated..,or feeds a lucky coyote

[TPFKA@W]

Because I am bent on spreading hopeless gloom and doom in this thread I will point out that many people do not remain "loved", if they were loved at all in the first place. My money is on Karma.

But I would argue that they are loved even though some do not believe it is so. Karma - not working so well for almost... well, all of eternity.

If you took a walk with me in my memory meadow and saw what I have seen you would understand more clearly that many are not loved and never earned love. Some people were despicable horrible parents and no one comes to the bedside.

[MajGenl.Meade]

I understand and am not trying to "change your mind". But in my memory meadow even the unloved are loved and not one of us 'earned' it.

Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of the death of one of the most important friends of my life. One of only 52 people in Ohio who died from H1N1 pneumonia. One of 11,690 in the USA. Bob told people and he'd tell us now, that he never earned the love that he found was his. All he could do in response was to love the unlovely as well as the obvious ones. I miss him very much.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Huh... goes to show. I just learned that another old friend died suddenly in NY City where he and his wife had gone to see the Pope. Stroke, apparently. So I turn to the old health insurance account page to send a message to my knee doc asking if there are any more xrays I need and what do I find? Why, the results of the nuclear/ECG test which seem to show that the left ventricle is kinda dead and a massive intramural infarct. Oh bother!

[wesw]

you ok?

[MajGenl.Meade]

Well it was a bit of a shock until I realized it said ventricle and not testicle

[BoSoxGal]

Seriously? I hope you are getting follow-up and recommendations for lifestyle change and/or surgical intervention?

[MajGenl.Meade]

Yes seriously. And I think "no reversible perfusion component" means "nothing to be done except stop drinking so much wine, cut out the fats and the nice chocs, get a little mild exercise and write a will". (3 and 4 are seen to; 2 is pretty good but that first one is a bit of a shambles).

All this when I've got my cholesterol under control and the liver enzymes are happy as clams through diet and exercise.

FINDINGS:
There is a large, fixed perfusion defect involving almost the entire inferior wall the left ventricle associated with prior transmural infarction. No reversible perfusion component is seen within this region or within the remainder of the left ventricular myocardium.

On the gated images, hypokinesia of the basilar segment of the inferior wall and the entire inferolateral wall. The left ventricular ejection fraction is calculated to be 43%. The left ventricle is mildly dilated, with an end diastolic volume of 144 mL.

Report electronically signed by >>>>>>M.D. on 11/3/2015 1:22 PM11/3/2015 1:22 PM

IMPRESSION:
1. Large transmural infarction involving the inferior wall the left ventricle. No evidence of stress-induced ischemia.
2. Hypokinesia of the basilar segment of the inferior wall and of the entire inferolateral wall.
3. Reduced left ventricular ejection fraction of 43 percent. Mild baseline dilatation of the left ventricle without stress induced left ventricular cavity dilatation.

Whatever it it is, it ain't all that marvelous. The EF is within the 40-55% "not necessarily going to keel over right this minute maybe" range.

Far worse things happen in Syria.

[Guinevere]

Oh Meade, I am sorry. It's shocking to hear that kind of information. But, as you probably already know, normal is 50-70 so it's truly not that bad. You shouldn't be keeling over any time soon. Really watch the sodium and the fluids. Weigh yourself daily. Pay attention to your fingers and ankles. Fluid retention is a sign the heart isn't working right. Lose as much weight as you can - the less stress on the heart the better you will be.

And there is lots to help. A pacer. Good drugs that help the heart squeeze. The best cardiologist you can find - one that specializes in heart failure. Cleveland clinic has some amazing docs. Get referrals. Get into see a specialist. You'll be fine, but you also have to be vigilant. My Mom's EF has been much much much lower (low 20s) and she's still here.....

You get a pass on the grumpies, too. Even a virtual hug if you want.

Edited: for clarity and rushiness....

[Joe Guy]

It also would be a good idea to quit fixating on our grammar it isn't good for you to do that and you know it because you should take pills for that.