oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure

[oldr_n_wsr]

What... no blackouts? What kind of alcoholic are you, anyway? There's nothing scarier than pretending that you were in full control the night before, or someone paying you back money you can't remember lending during an episode.

For some reason I didn't have blackouts, not for lack of trying. didn't really get mind splitting hangovers either.
I still did the same uncontrollable stupid stuff that any blackout drinker did, I would just remember it the next day. blessing or curse, I don't know
The only time I had a "blackout" was when I was drunk and drugged and did some car surfing and fell/jumped off a moving car. Hit the pavement with the back of my head and fractured my skull. Out cold for a couple of minutes and lost my sense of smell forever. My then girlfriend (wife now) told me what happened (she was driving) and over the next few days/weeks i started remembering the whole night. That was Oct 31, 1980.

Never had one of those "boom" moments when you come-to and try and figure out where you are and how you got there.

[Jarlaxle]

Sounds like you had an enjoyable time.  Ain't it great to wake up, clear-headed, in the morning and not need to ask someone if you had a good time the night before?

-"BB"-

Wake up clear-headed?! What is this of which you speak?

Frigging morning people......

[oldr_n_wsr]

Things are going well. Had a 3 month checkup and got the docs ok to lower my zoloft to 25mg's a day. I had gone down to 25mg a day about a week before the visit to see how I felt going down in dosage. All went well, no depressing thoughts/actions nor irritablity/anxiety so my new script is 25mg and I don't have to cut the pills in half anymore. Well I will finish up what I have by cutting them in half.
He put me on vitamin D, kept me on the B12 and put me back on folic acid. He will check my new blood work to see if I should go on the L----- acid RayThom is on (Lipolic acid IIRC. I have it written down). I may try it regardless.


Working around the house, around the daughters house and going to meetings (mostly big book focused meetings). No time for little projects that I like to do. But I shouldbe done with the daughters house this weekend, then I can make the santa sled for the lawn my wifes niece wants to give her mom for Christmas. That should be fun. Then my niece wants meto make her a wine rack out of a wine barrel. I had made one previously and wrote everything down so it shouldn't take me too long. at least not as long as the first one when I was figuring everything out and had more than a couple of shoulda/coulda/woulda's.

The last butterfly cocoon never hatched and no new caterpillars on hte parsley. If anything goes into cocoon now they will winter over nad emerge in the spring. I am still holding out hope on my last cocoon, but it's been over a month and the weather has been good,so it doesn't look good.
Oh well
All for now

[oldr_n_wsr]

I have the honor of speaking at my wifes Al-Anon meeting tonight. It's their groups anniversary and they usually have an Al-Anon speaker, an Al-Ateen speaker and an AA speaker at the event. 6 foot hero, salads and pies (my wife made the pies) before and after the speakers. I love heros and pies.
I am scheduled to speak at 8pm. I'll give the same message I give at aa meetings with a little more emphasis on "The Wives" chapter in the big book. We are in the midle of that chapter in the aa primary purpose meeting I go to. fresh in the memory and all that

[RayThom]

And was the celebratory flask with "a little sumthin' sumthin' " in it passed around?

Remember, nothing in life is worth celebrating unless you can get drunk doing it. Just ask your best, old drinking buddies that haven't bothered with you since you quit -- they'll tell you.

Cheers!

[Bicycle Bill]

Butt out, Ray.

-"BB"-

[Econoline]

Yeah. Normally I'd let it go (as "just Ray being Ray"), but this *IS* oldr's thread, started for a specific purpose. I know you were just trying to be funny, Ray, but this time it's really inappropriate.

[RayThom]

Those of us who admit to being alcoholics and practicing successful sobriety maintenance understand all the strange humor that keeps our head clear. I'm fairly sure o_n_w does not see my last post being anything more than the biting sarcasm I intended.

When you give up professional drinking it doesn't take long to find out your true friends. They are rarely found in the bars and clubs you give up visiting in the process of become clean and sober.

One thing for sure, I am not hijacking the thread, I am merely adding to it.

Cheers!

[oldr_n_wsr]

It's ok Econo and BB and thanks for your support.
I got Rays sarcasm/wit/whatever in his post. We (my fellow aa's) joke about drinking all the time. Sometimes it "reference to past drinking, sometimes they are as if we are still drinking. It's all good. and the joles usually end with "you don't have enough booze" or "what are the rest of the people going to drink?"
As the big book says "we are not a glum lot".
Thanks again.

[RayThom]

It's ok Econo and BB and thanks for your support... As the big book says "we are not a glum lot". Thanks again.

o_n_w, thanks for seeing my comments in the way they were intended. Had they been as hurtful and harmful as BB and econo seem to think, I would not only have been upset but very apologetic to you. As I sobered up I learned volumes more laughing at myself and with others than "cursing the darkness" and dwelling on how pernicious and nasty the disease truly is. Humor, even when it's bad, beats fear and loathing every time.

As long as you know there is no animus in my writing when I assume my alcoholic personae then I'll be fine. If I ever step over that line let me know immediately. If you ever feel overwhelmed and/or have a need to share more personal aspects of your sobriety just know you can PM me anytime.

To paraphrase an AA saying, "keep (talking) it works if you work it." Peace.

[BoSoxGal]

[RayThom]

[BoSoxGal]

That's the hardest bit.

[oldr_n_wsr]

I have to check in on the home computer, image doesn't make it through here at work.

Anyway, bummer weekend.
History: last wednesday I was at a meeting that a friend chairs. She intro'd the speaker and sat down and then started crying. She and some of her network ladies left hen came back and they were all upset. I was there with a new person in AA and was going to introducer to my friend as she has a great program and thought she could help this new lady. Not a good time for introductions, so when the meeting was over I left not knowing what made them all upset but figuring the ladies in their support group were all there together and would help each other.

Fast forward: to Saturday and I go to my regular 11th step meeting (big book study, meditation, etc) and the young lady who helps chair the meeting is not there and the two guys who are in the group (they started this particular group) are all decked out in black suits. Turns out the young lady OD'd and died on Wednesday and they were going to the wake after the meeting. Turns out my friend was this young ladies sponser and she had gotten the news of her passing during that meeting.

This young lady was someone who I thought, was serious about the program. I knew her but not well.
23 years old, another life gone. I stopped at the wake on my way home from that meeting. I didn't stay long. Said a prayer for her and her family.

Saw my friend (the young ladies sponser) last night at a meeting and gave her my condolences, prayers and a hug. Doesn't seem like enough.

People die of this shit!!!!!!
A relapse can kill you!!!!!!
I'm pissed off, sad and bummed out from this.

I knew others that have died from this, but somehow this one is hitting me a little "harder". Maybe because of her age, maybe because she seemed to have her shit together maybe because I know her sponser fairly well?
And thinking about it, even having ones "shit together" and being serious about working the program, we can still have a momentary lapse which can turn deadly.

I wake up every morning and am thankful I failed at my suicide attempt. That I am given yet another day to try and be a better husband/father/son/person.

Thanks for listening.

[BoSoxGal]

I live in constant fear that my niece will OD. There are multiple ODs reported through the police scanner Facebook page every week in my town; the greater Boston area has opiate addiction and ODs at epidemic levels, it's heartbreaking.

Condolences, oldr.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks for the hug and I pray for your niece.
And it is an epidemic. Not a week goes by without me hearing about someone who was in program goes out and dies or someone in program has a friend who died.

Problem with addicts in program, when they relapse their tolerance is low, so a similar dose that they used to do can become deadly.

Also, with and alcoholic, there is usually some time where others in program notice the drinking (unless they go out and immediately DWI their car around a tree or worse). With the addicts, they pick up once and bam they are done.

Thanks again BSG.

[Big RR]

My condolences to you as well oldr; one of the things I think happens with drug addicts is that they have to either fall in with old friends or go to sketchy areas to buy their drugs, which (I think at least) is why many relapse much more easily than alcoholics (who can just buy at a liquor store). Once you've made those steps, it's far easier to rationalize continuing drug abuse and the lifestyle. I've seen a number die, but many more relapse, even after extended periods of sobriety.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks BigRR

I go to a couple of meetings that tend to be more young'ens than us olders. It gives me a lift to see those that do the work and live the life. They have so much ahead of them. But it really breaks my heart when they slip and really breaks me up when they no longer can come back into recovery.
I could not go to those meetings, but the good i feel and see outweighs the bad.
I hope for even one person (young or old or middle) takes her death to heart and realizes that they could be the next and instead stays sober.

This is life or death. I don't know if I really realized that before. Somehow this cemented it in me.

[oldr_n_wsr]

And by the way BigRR, I hope your young client is doing well. Even though I don't know her at all, she is in my prayers.

[Big RR]

So far, so good. I'm hopeful as well.