Family Judge
Re: Family Judge
That can and does happen some of time; usually by boys who realize they've gotten big enough to fight back ...but most of time the person has been 'conditioned' to believe that just taking it is normal.
Re: Family Judge
I agree with the sad face.
Far too many abused children have just put up with it. And not only is that sad for them; it all too often turns out to be sad for their children. They have all that pent-up rage, and they don't know what to do with it, so they take it out on their kids.
For all abused children:
Don't put up with it.
Take the reins in your own hands.
Take the belt away from your abuser and give her or him a taste of her or his own medicine.
And watch while he or she whines and soils the carpet.
And know that you have done the right thing.
Far too many abused children have just put up with it. And not only is that sad for them; it all too often turns out to be sad for their children. They have all that pent-up rage, and they don't know what to do with it, so they take it out on their kids.
For all abused children:
Don't put up with it.
Take the reins in your own hands.
Take the belt away from your abuser and give her or him a taste of her or his own medicine.
And watch while he or she whines and soils the carpet.
And know that you have done the right thing.
Reason is valuable only when it performs against the wordless physical background of the universe.
Re: Family Judge
That's nice and easy to say Andrew but not quite so easy in the real world.
I was 12 when I first hit back at the cunt who had beaten me for a lifetime (even now I can't bring myself to use the 'F' word when referring to him... he doesn't deserve the title). All it did was enrage him to the point where I ended up hospitalised. It was a few years before I was brave enough to do it again...
Abused children aren't 'putting up with it'... they're often as not trying to minimise it. Even crying when beaten can prolong and/or increase the severity of an attack.
I was 12 when I first hit back at the cunt who had beaten me for a lifetime (even now I can't bring myself to use the 'F' word when referring to him... he doesn't deserve the title). All it did was enrage him to the point where I ended up hospitalised. It was a few years before I was brave enough to do it again...
Abused children aren't 'putting up with it'... they're often as not trying to minimise it. Even crying when beaten can prolong and/or increase the severity of an attack.
Why is it that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's 'art' and 'edgy' but when I do it I'm 'drunk' and 'banned from the hardware store'?
Re: Family Judge
I quite agree, Sean, that abused children most often do what they can -- whatever it takes -- to minimize the abuse. Survival is the ultimate objective in those circumstances, and people adopt the survival strategies which appear to them most likely to be successful.
I intend no disrespect to those who have the misfortune of finding themselves in such circumstances. On the contrary, I think that they should do whatever it is that they need to do, and they should never let themselves feel that they were somehow wrong for doing what they had to do in circumstances inflicted upon them by others.
Still, I am all for fighting back. And I don't necessarily mean grabbing the belt and bitch-slapping him upside the head with it. If it works, that is a great strategy. But, as your own example shows, it might not work. So some other strategy is required.
This may come off to some people as mere ranting, but I am quite serious. If directly fighting back doesn't work, fight back indirectly. Poison his coffee. Sever his car's brake lines. Sneak up behind him with a very large, very sharp blade, and decapitate him.
The adult who abuses a child has opened the door. That person has made it a no-holds-barred conflict. The blame is entirely on that person, and if that person ends up bleeding out in a gutter somewhere, so much the better.
Fight back.
If you can't fight back directly, because Shithead is bigger than you, fight back in some other way. (Which could be anything from garotting him from behind to reporting him to the relevant authorities.) Maybe it will work; maybe it won't.
But do something. Because if the abused child does nothing -- and I have seen this with my own eyes over and over again -- the memory of having done nothing could well be more painful than the abuse itself.
I intend no disrespect to those who have the misfortune of finding themselves in such circumstances. On the contrary, I think that they should do whatever it is that they need to do, and they should never let themselves feel that they were somehow wrong for doing what they had to do in circumstances inflicted upon them by others.
Still, I am all for fighting back. And I don't necessarily mean grabbing the belt and bitch-slapping him upside the head with it. If it works, that is a great strategy. But, as your own example shows, it might not work. So some other strategy is required.
This may come off to some people as mere ranting, but I am quite serious. If directly fighting back doesn't work, fight back indirectly. Poison his coffee. Sever his car's brake lines. Sneak up behind him with a very large, very sharp blade, and decapitate him.
The adult who abuses a child has opened the door. That person has made it a no-holds-barred conflict. The blame is entirely on that person, and if that person ends up bleeding out in a gutter somewhere, so much the better.
Fight back.
If you can't fight back directly, because Shithead is bigger than you, fight back in some other way. (Which could be anything from garotting him from behind to reporting him to the relevant authorities.) Maybe it will work; maybe it won't.
But do something. Because if the abused child does nothing -- and I have seen this with my own eyes over and over again -- the memory of having done nothing could well be more painful than the abuse itself.
Reason is valuable only when it performs against the wordless physical background of the universe.
Re: Family Judge
If I sound that way to you, well, I sound that way to you.
Reason is valuable only when it performs against the wordless physical background of the universe.
Re: Family Judge
Fair enough Andrew, it just varies from individual to individual and for some people your "fight back" advice could be the absolute worst you could give! Most of my childhood was spent in rural Ireland. The authorities were well aware of what was happening but their backwards culture saw it as a man's right to discipline his family as he saw fit. If I had garrotted him however, I would have been in serious trouble... (you can see where my deep-seated 'love' of the Irish comes from I'm sure 
) Of course the fact that he was Irish whereas my mother and us kids were all English meant that he could do whatever the fuck he liked to the "English bitch and her spawn"*.
Daft as it may seem, my way of dealing with it was to try to focus his attention onto me... I knew that while he was busy beating me he wouldn't be beating my mother, sister or kid brother. It truly helps when you feel that you're taking a beating in a good cause.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything else. I dealt with that part of my life properly when I was 18 (bruised my knuckles to buggery too!) and have moved on. That, I believe, is all that any abused person can be reasonably expected to do.
*Direct quote from a neighbour of ours.
) Of course the fact that he was Irish whereas my mother and us kids were all English meant that he could do whatever the fuck he liked to the "English bitch and her spawn"*.Daft as it may seem, my way of dealing with it was to try to focus his attention onto me... I knew that while he was busy beating me he wouldn't be beating my mother, sister or kid brother. It truly helps when you feel that you're taking a beating in a good cause.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything else. I dealt with that part of my life properly when I was 18 (bruised my knuckles to buggery too!) and have moved on. That, I believe, is all that any abused person can be reasonably expected to do.
*Direct quote from a neighbour of ours.
Why is it that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's 'art' and 'edgy' but when I do it I'm 'drunk' and 'banned from the hardware store'?
Re: Family Judge
It doesn't seem to me at all daft, Sean.
It seems to me that you did what I would hope to have the strength to do.
You sacrificed yourself for the wellbeing of others.
God, if there is a God, help me to be that brave.
Every set of cirumstances is different. Far be it from me to say what any particular person should do in any particular set of circumstances.
All I mean is that those who are abused should avail themselves of the options open to them and not shrink from those options by letting themselves be misled into thinking that the abuse which they suffer is somehow the fault of anyone other then the abuser.
Fight back.
If the circumstances are such that fighting back on a literal level is impracticable, fight back on another level. Fight back in your own head. Do something. Just don't give the abuser what he wants -- don't cave.
At least, that's how I think of things. But maybe my thoughts don't grapple with the realities as much as they should.
It seems to me that you did what I would hope to have the strength to do.
You sacrificed yourself for the wellbeing of others.
God, if there is a God, help me to be that brave.
Every set of cirumstances is different. Far be it from me to say what any particular person should do in any particular set of circumstances.
All I mean is that those who are abused should avail themselves of the options open to them and not shrink from those options by letting themselves be misled into thinking that the abuse which they suffer is somehow the fault of anyone other then the abuser.
Fight back.
If the circumstances are such that fighting back on a literal level is impracticable, fight back on another level. Fight back in your own head. Do something. Just don't give the abuser what he wants -- don't cave.
At least, that's how I think of things. But maybe my thoughts don't grapple with the realities as much as they should.
Reason is valuable only when it performs against the wordless physical background of the universe.
Re: Family Judge
Interestingly, you've both hit upon the crux of human nature: what we won't do for ourselves, we'll often do for the sake of another. ...and no, I'm not trying to come across as some self-righteous, smarmy, holy-rollin' <insert your term for assholierly here>
What it took for me to stand up to my mom(ster), was watching her start to treat my new husband in the same way. As soon as he was 'family', the claws came out and she began her wedeln, bitchin',
"Do this for me!-Do this for me! You're supposed to! - Do this for me! Hissssssssss-snarl-whine-snap I'll eat you up, I love you so!"
It was a rather shocking epiphany, that all this time, I had known where the wild things were; so no, I decided I'd never go into their den again, especially not to put another in harm's way.
Shortly thereafter, I stopped speaking to her, that was over 15 years ago.
Who/whatever it was; it wasn't my mother. So, it wasn't worth it.
What it took for me to stand up to my mom(ster), was watching her start to treat my new husband in the same way. As soon as he was 'family', the claws came out and she began her wedeln, bitchin',
"Do this for me!-Do this for me! You're supposed to! - Do this for me! Hissssssssss-snarl-whine-snap I'll eat you up, I love you so!"
It was a rather shocking epiphany, that all this time, I had known where the wild things were; so no, I decided I'd never go into their den again, especially not to put another in harm's way.
Shortly thereafter, I stopped speaking to her, that was over 15 years ago.
Who/whatever it was; it wasn't my mother. So, it wasn't worth it.
Re: Family Judge
A Texas family law judge seen beating his older daughter in a video she posted on YouTube has been placed under a temporary restraining order, which his ex-wife's attorney says effectively prevents him from visiting his younger daughter.
Under the order issued Thursday by another judge, Aransas County Court-at-Law Judge William Adams is forbidden from visiting his 10-year-old daughter without getting permission from the girl's mother, his ex-wife.
The order also says Adams can't disparage the woman or drink alcohol within 24 hours of seeing his child.
Brett Pritchard, the attorney for Adams' ex-wife Hallie Adams, said in a prepared statement that the ruling 'temporarily terminates the visitation between Judge Adams and his younger child'.
William Adams' attorney did not respond to a request for comment Friday from The Associated Press.
State District Judge Kemper Stephen Williams scheduled a hearing for Nov. 21 to decide on Hallie Adams' request to have William Adams' visitation denied or require that it be supervised.
William Adams has not held court since his 23-year-old daughter Hillary Adams released a secretly-recorded 2004 video of him beating her with a belt.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z1ddttjb6H
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: Family Judge
Considered?!?! I tried to get four different doctors to do the damn thing! I was planning to pay for it out of my own pocket & had been saving for it since I was 14.loCAtek wrote:Advice he considered for himself, if you will note.bigskygal wrote:Well actually, if you take his logic, then neither Sean nor I are fit to reproduce or parent, because we were victims of child abuse. Sorry, but somehow I don't consider that position evidence of 'caring' for me.
He didn't want what happened to him, to happen to anyone else- I call that compassion.
Treat Gaza like Carthage.
Re: Family Judge
If you feel that way because you prefer a childfree life, I fully respect your position.
But if it's based in fear that you would be an abusive parent - the statistics do not bear that out. Most abused children grow up to be very empathic and loving parents. Your concern over the issue indicates you are insightful enough that you would likely fall into that category, and not be abusive.
Nevertheless, whatever fears you have for yourself, it isn't fair to broadly brush other victims of childhood abuse as unfit to parent.
I know I'd be a good parent; my unwillingness to bring children into the world with just any old sperm donor is some evidence, as are the stepmothering experiences I've had and many years working with children and young adults through my various jobs. I'm imperfect and lose my cool at times like anybody parenting, but it never resulted in hitting or even critical language - because I remembered how much that hurt me as a kid.
Anyway,I'm glad you came back.
And you might enjoy this:
But if it's based in fear that you would be an abusive parent - the statistics do not bear that out. Most abused children grow up to be very empathic and loving parents. Your concern over the issue indicates you are insightful enough that you would likely fall into that category, and not be abusive.
Nevertheless, whatever fears you have for yourself, it isn't fair to broadly brush other victims of childhood abuse as unfit to parent.
I know I'd be a good parent; my unwillingness to bring children into the world with just any old sperm donor is some evidence, as are the stepmothering experiences I've had and many years working with children and young adults through my various jobs. I'm imperfect and lose my cool at times like anybody parenting, but it never resulted in hitting or even critical language - because I remembered how much that hurt me as a kid.
Anyway,I'm glad you came back.
And you might enjoy this:
Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan
Re: Family Judge
One of my favourite poems!~!
“If you trust in yourself, and believe in your dreams, and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Re: Family Judge
I despise children.bigskygal wrote:If you feel that way because you prefer a childfree life, I fully respect your position.
The opposite; I am absolutely one hundred percent certain beyond the tiniest glimmer of any doubt whatsoever that I would be an abusive parent.But if it's based in fear that you would be an abusive parent - the statistics do not bear that out. Most abused children grow up to be very empathic and loving parents. Your concern over the issue indicates you are insightful enough that you would likely fall into that category, and not be abusive.
Maybe so...but the world would be a better place had someone stopped the cycle when my father was born & had him sterilized when he hit puberty.Nevertheless, whatever fears you have for yourself, it isn't fair to broadly brush other victims of childhood abuse as unfit to parent.
I have a volcanic temper. I yell, I throw things, I broke three bones in my hand on a door jamb (and cracked the jamb) about ten years ago.I know I'd be a good parent; my unwillingness to bring children into the world with just any old sperm donor is some evidence, as are the stepmothering experiences I've had and many years working with children and young adults through my various jobs. I'm imperfect and lose my cool at times like anybody parenting, but it never resulted in hitting or even critical language - because I remembered how much that hurt me as a kid.
Thanks.Anyway,I'm glad you came back.
And you might enjoy this:
Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Treat Gaza like Carthage.
Re: Family Judge
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan
Re: Family Judge
That actually not be the verse...I get a "removed by YouTube" message.
Treat Gaza like Carthage.
Re: Family Judge
Really? I just watched it! Anyway, it's just the image you see with Larkin's reading. There are a few others, one has a video of him reading it which is made with that funny mouth moving visual effect - obviously only audio of his reading it exists.
I love hearing poetry read by the poet, whenever possible.
I love hearing poetry read by the poet, whenever possible.
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
~ Carl Sagan
Re: Family Judge
A few thoughts on the topic:
I was the fifth of 5 children in my family. Oldest was born in 1939, I was born in 1949. My parents used a lot of corporal punishment on the oldest, and less as time went by. I was never even slapped as a kid.
But of course I was a perfect child. I saw when my older brothers fucked up and generally did not make the same mistakes.
I was a hot-head in my 20's, but did not become a parent until I was 32. Good thing. Although I philosophically believed in corporal punishment under some circumstances, those circumstances never arose. It occurs to me now, as I see some issues arising between my son and his wife, that it may not have been such a good thing to be raised in a household where we never yelled at each other, even in anger. He doesn't know how to deal with a spouse who is apparently just blowing off steam occasionally.
Even so, seeing the children of some of my friends and family and what they did, I think I would have found it too difficult to refrain from taking some physical measures to punctuate the Lesson of the Day.
I was the fifth of 5 children in my family. Oldest was born in 1939, I was born in 1949. My parents used a lot of corporal punishment on the oldest, and less as time went by. I was never even slapped as a kid.
But of course I was a perfect child. I saw when my older brothers fucked up and generally did not make the same mistakes.
I was a hot-head in my 20's, but did not become a parent until I was 32. Good thing. Although I philosophically believed in corporal punishment under some circumstances, those circumstances never arose. It occurs to me now, as I see some issues arising between my son and his wife, that it may not have been such a good thing to be raised in a household where we never yelled at each other, even in anger. He doesn't know how to deal with a spouse who is apparently just blowing off steam occasionally.
Even so, seeing the children of some of my friends and family and what they did, I think I would have found it too difficult to refrain from taking some physical measures to punctuate the Lesson of the Day.
Re: Family Judge
Jarl, if you believe you shouldn't have children, then you absolutely shouldn't...
That is a decision every person must make for themselves...
I went a very long time, assuming I would never have children...
Not because I had "anger issues "...
But because I had conceited, immature self absorbed "issues"...
If I had become a parent in my 20's I would have been an awful parent...
And I knew that, and ran away from situations where that might result...
It wasn't until I was 40 years old, and held Tati in my hands right after she was born, that I said to myself, "maybe I can do this...maybe I'm ready for it now"
And I feel the same way about my son...I am blessed to have both of them...
And somehow, against all odds, I have managed to turn out to be a pretty good Dad...
That is a decision every person must make for themselves...
I went a very long time, assuming I would never have children...
Not because I had "anger issues "...
But because I had conceited, immature self absorbed "issues"...
If I had become a parent in my 20's I would have been an awful parent...
And I knew that, and ran away from situations where that might result...
It wasn't until I was 40 years old, and held Tati in my hands right after she was born, that I said to myself, "maybe I can do this...maybe I'm ready for it now"
And I feel the same way about my son...I am blessed to have both of them...
And somehow, against all odds, I have managed to turn out to be a pretty good Dad...
