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[Scooter]

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" By this time, she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"

[Bicycle Bill]

As long as you brought up English travellers and pubs .....

A knight of King Arthur's Court is dispatched to deliver an important message to a castle on the other side of the kingdom.  He starts out on his horse and travels night and day.  He encounters a terrible storm as he is passing through a forest and his horse comes up lame so he dismounts and starts walking, leading the horse.  He sees a faint light in the far distance and keeps going toward it, finally arriving to find himself at a public house.  After being roused, the publican unbars the door and invites him in to rest, dry himself, and take nourishment.

After enjoying the hospitality of the establishment the young knight tells of his mission and the misfortune that has befallen his horse, and asks if the owner could possibly lend him another mount to allow him to complete his journey.  The landlord announces, regrettably, that this is impossible as there are no horses to be had.  Looking around, the knight (who is extremely small in stature) spies the largest mastiff he has ever seen lying in front of the fire.  He pleads with the pub-keeper to let him ride the mastiff to complete his journey since he is small enough to do so.

However, the landlord replies, "Nay, my good sir.  Even I wouldn't put a knight out on a dog like this."

-"BB"-

[MajGenl.Meade]

Some time later the same dog had an accident. Each night at closing time, the landlord would send the dog out to pee and after a bit the dog would come back, scratch at the pub door and be allowed in to sleep behind the bar.

One night as the dog was leaving, the landlord shut the door rather too quickly and the mastiff's tail was cut off. It ran into the night howling and sadly was struck by a car and killed. But it was a faithful dog, even after that terminal event. Sadly, it wasn't a complete dog - it had no tail - and so its restless ghost, incomplete and unable to pass on, returned to the pub. But all of its scratching at the door failed to move the landlord to allow it in to get its missing part.

His wife was in tears. "Why, Arnold? Why?" she cried. "Why will you not let that dog come in so it can rest in peace?"

"Because, my dear," said Arnold, "it's the licensing laws. I can't retail spirits after 11 pm"

[Bicycle Bill]

Some time later the same dog had an accident. Each night at closing time, the landlord would send the dog out to pee and after a bit the dog would come back, scratch at the pub door and be allowed in to sleep behind the bar.

One night as the dog was leaving, the landlord shut the door rather too quickly and the mastiff's tail was cut off. It ran into the night howling and sadly was struck by a car and killed. But it was a faithful dog, even after that terminal event. Sadly, it wasn't a complete dog - it had no tail - and so its restless ghost, incomplete and unable to pass on, returned to the pub. But all of its scratching at the door failed to move the landlord to allow it in to get its missing part.

His wife was in tears. "Why, Arnold? Why?" she cried. "Why will you not let that dog come in so it can rest in peace?"

"Because, my dear," said Arnold, "it's the licensing laws. I can't retail spirits after 11 pm"

-"BB"-

[Lord Jim]

Even I wouldn't put a knight out on a dog like this.

I thought that was a pretty good joke, but Alice didn't think much of it:

[Fafhrd]

However, the landlord replies, "Nay, my good sir.  Even I wouldn't put a knight out on a dog like this."

The fir time I read this particular one, it was in "Try and Stop Me", a book of jokes published by Bennett Cerf, in 1944.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Even I wouldn't put a knight out on a dog like this.

I thought that was a pretty good joke, but Alice didn't think much of it:

Neither did MGM.

[Bicycle Bill]

However, the landlord replies, "Nay, my good sir.  Even I wouldn't put a knight out on a dog like this."

The first time I read this particular one, it was in "Try and Stop Me", a book of jokes published by Bennett Cerf, in 1944.

But it still works, seventy years later.
Try that with any joke based on current events.  You're lucky if they have a shelf life of six months.
After a year, fuhgedabouddit.

-"BB"-

[MajGenl.Meade]

I liked Bill's joke.

Just because Alice didn't want to pull Ralph's finger....