A birding guide for bird haters

[Econoline]

Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America
I hate birds. These are my field notes.

Fuck-tailed Flycatcher
This flycatcher is from the tropics, but many show up annually in North America, some reaching as far as the North Eastern seaboard, even into Canada. It’s impossible to predict exactly where they will appear though, because the dumbshits who show up here were trying to migrate from southern South America to Mexico. What a bunch of fuck-ups.

Notes: Get a load of this dumbshit’s ridiculous tail.

Scarlet Teenager
What is it with these tanagers? The males are possibly the most unnecessarily red birds in any eastern forest. They stay high in the forest canopy all summer long (doing god knows what) and then in the fall they just take off for South America. But not before inexplicably changing from red feathers to yellow-green feathers (which, by the way, makes them look just like the yellow-green females.) I don’t know what they’re up to, but I don’t like it and somebody ought to do something about it.

Great Blue Moron
This big moron is found throughout North America. It’s usually standing shin-deep in the water like an idiot. The largest of the North American morons, it is always trying to choke some giant fish down it’s stupid neck. There are plenty of other fish that would fit.

More here, including the White-breasted Butt Nugget, the Goddamned Canada Goose, the Wood Snork, the Belted King-Pisser, the Doofus Hummingbird, the Golden Crowned Dumb-Shit and many others.

[dales]

LOL!

[Lord Jim]

"The Golden Crowned Dumb-Shit"

[Joe Guy]

I'm pretty sure the Golden Crowned Dumb-Shit (Drumpfus Doofus) is related to the Dodo bird...