Jokes.

[Gob]

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None: the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

''Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?''

What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people the four men can't see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: ''Can you see me now?'' The four men answer: ''Yes.'' ''Oui.'' ''Si.'' ''Ja.''

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: ''Five beers, please.''

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: ''I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.'' The waitress replies: ''I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?''

[Scooter]

[Rick]

Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending
each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400
…correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought
a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

[oldr_n_wsr]

That there is funny, I don't care who you are.

Not to get serious, but I have gone down the "if I hadn't drank how much money would I have now" path. Not worth the effort.