working in child welfare myself, I can say that there are many children who are available for adoption (US law currently favors freeing children for adoption quickly if reunification seems unlikely) who might well never be adopted due to age and significant developmental disabilities and other mental problems (some of these kids went through hell). If there are those who are willingly able to take on these problems and deal with them, then they should be able to adopt. However, such adoptions are not for everyone, and they should go in with their eyes open and fully appreciate the responsibilities they are taking on--there is nothing worse than a failed adoption. I have a client now who is 14 and has a variety of genetic developmental difficulties and an IQ 0f around 60. She was abused by a drug addicted mother and her "boyfriends" leaving serious emotional scars. That being said, the girl is usually delightful to talk to (like a 5 year old), but anyone who adopts her will have to understand that she will likely never grow up and be out on her own, and this is a lifetime obligation. The last thing I would like to see is two well meaning adoptive parents realize, after a few months or a year, that they took on too much and can't handle it (and an adolescent with raging hormones and the mind of a 5 year old will present more difficulties than you imagine; this young lady has been through far to much to face that sort of rejection.Scooter wrote:Having worked in child welfare, I agree strongly with you in principle. But as Crackpot alluded to, the reason why there are so many kids in the system is that so many of them are not readily adoptable. My experience, both professional and personal, is that gay male couples have been far more willing to adopt children who are older, of a different race, have developmental or other disabilities etc. than the typical opposite-sex couple who is looking for the "perfect" infant or toddler. No, I don't believe that anyone has done a study to confirm that, but someone probably should, because they would probably learn that through all those years they spent being revolted by the idea of gay men raising children, kids who would have never otherwise had a chance at anything resembling a normal life have been thriving under the care of the two fathers who loved them when no one else would.Guinevere wrote:why create more babies when there are so many kids out there that already need a good home. I think every couple that has fertility issues of any kind should also be counseled about adoption, before undergoing in vitro.
So if a few of them now wish to experience what the overwhelming majority of the rest of the world has always taken for granted, I'm not going to fault them for it.
And, as an adoptive parent, I can tell you that adoption, even under the best of circumstances, is not for everyone. I once met a woman who had a child and could not have any more; she agreed to adoption because her husband wanted another kid, but she told me that she never could accept that child as her own (she said she would care for the child and wouldn't mistreat it, but would never be her mother). Even then, I could see the dynamics of the husband overcompensating and showering additional attention on his daughter, which led to resentment from the first child. Not exactly the best environment for either to grow up in. And a damn shame.
I think adoption is great for some, but that you really have to know yourself and you feelings before you begin it, and some just cannot do that and should not be adoptive parents (although they may well be good parents for their genetic children).
