Eulogy

[Gob]

A priest shocked mourners as they attended the funeral of a father who died in a car crash with a eulogy detailing his life of crime.

Martin Wilson, 26, was killed alongside his friend James Morgan, 20, after the car they were in lost control and ploughed into a garden on November 18.

Hundreds of family and friends attended Martin's funeral last week but were left speechless when Donna Lear, who led the service, outlined his catalogue of crimes.

In a 30 minute eulogy, Ms Lear, a humanist priest, told the congregation how Martin left a 'trail of destruction in his wake and more than a few bloodied noses.'

She also told the congregation how Martin, nicknamed 'Wils' by pals, had his 'fifteen minutes of fame' when he was caught on TV sprinting onto a football pitch and punching the goalkeeper.

Speaking at the funeral at Carmountside Crematorium in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, she told mourners how prison had become 'his second home.'

She said: 'His escapades often landed him in prison - but that was okay because Wils wasn't a big fan of going to work anyway.

'He quite happily organised his life from there - his second home - making even more new friends.'

'Now he wasn't perfect - who among us is? He didn't shy away from the limelight and was proud of every one of his battle scars - in fact he positively encouraged them

'He would never go to hospital if he was injured but "buzzed of it all" instead.

'Paul remembered the time he came home and was pleased as punch about the fact he'd just been "battered with a barstool".

'Football was a big part of his life and Wils was a dedicated Stoke City supporter. He loved the home games but had much more fun at the away ones.

'He was nicked at his first away game and even managed to get his fifteen minutes of fame when a football DVD hosted by Paddy McGuiness showed Wils running onto the pitch and punching an unsuspecting QPR goalkeeper.

'Wils loved to pop over to his mum and Paul's where he would hijack the computer and spend all day on Facebook, getting up only to work his way through every morsel of food in the house like a one man plague of locusts.'


The bizarre eulogy was greeted with laughter when Ms Lear told how Martin spread 'mayhem' among his friends.

She said: 'Wils was the most loyal and supportive bloke you could ever want to meet - unless you crossed him that is.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Interviewer: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Interviewer: What had you done?

Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would.

Interviewer: And you don't bear him a grudge?

Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.

Interviewer: I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table. Isn't that true Mrs O' Tracy?

Mrs O' Tracy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Stig: Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious but fair