Tragedy with a twist

[Gob]

In recent weeks, media outlets around the world have reported on the tragic case of Hannah Smith, a 14-year-old girl from Leicestershire, England, who committed suicide after receiving cruel and harassing messages - including to ''drink bleach'' and ''die'' - on the social media site Ask.fm.

Critics of the site have urged parents to keep their children off it, saying that the anonymous question/answer format leads to harassment, stalking and bullying.

Now the case has taken another tragic turn. In an inquiry into the matter, Ask.fm has uncovered that 98 per cent of the abusive messages sent to Hannah came from the same IP address as her own computer. Only four of the abusive comments came from other IP addresses.



While there are still a lot of unknowns in this case, it has now been reported that the abuse sent to Hannah appears to have come from Hannah herself. Following this latest development, many people online have expressed their utter bewilderment: what could drive a teenager to attack herself and then put it on display? Why would anyone self-sabotage in this way? And are other teenagers doing this?

Last year, researchers at the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Centre found that up to 10 per cent of first-year university students had ''falsely posted a cruel remark against themselves, or cyberbullied themselves, during high school''.

And this is not the first time that online ''self-harassment'' or ''self-cyberbullying'' has been identified and written about. In 2010, Danah Boyd, a leading social media researcher, wrote about an emerging trend she had discovered on Formspring, where teens were ''anonymously'' posting vicious questions to themselves, before publicly answering them.

In a similar vein, research into the pro-anorexia community - a community set up by individuals with eating disorders - has discovered that it is not uncommon for members on these forums to be aggressive against themselves, by writing abusive, hateful and vicious letters and then attributing those letters to made-up personas known as either ''Ana'' or ''Mia'' (anorexia or bulimia).

So what motivates this phenomenon and why have we heard so little about it?

According to Boyd, online self-harassment like that observed on Formspring or Ask.fm may represent a cry for help, a grab for attention, an opportunity to demonstrate toughness and resilience or a way of fishing for compliments from friends who jump in to defend against the abuse. Boyd also describes the behaviour as a form of ''digital self-harming'', stressing that teens who are in pain do not always lash out at others; very often they lash out at themselves. And occasionally they invite an audience to watch on.

For the ''digital self-harmer'' the presence of an audience appears to serve other purposes too. Anonymously calling oneself a ''loser'' online allows them to test out other people's attitudes: do other people see me this way too? Is my perception of myself shared universally?

Second, by inflicting harm on themselves before an audience, it makes their pain visible and therefore more'' 'real' ''. Finally, by giving others the impression that they are ''under attack'', the afflicted individual is able to communicate to others exactly what they are feeling: overwhelmed and under siege. And they can achieve this without ever having to risk saying the words: ''I'm in pain, I need your help.''

What this means is that while the abusive comments might be manufactured, the feelings they speak to are very much real.

Looking back at my own high school years, it is clear that aspects of this behaviour are nothing new. Teens have always had a propensity to document their negative self-talk and self-loathing in one form or another, often in journals, angst-ridden poetry and other forms of art.

Sometimes teens keep these things deeply private out of secrecy and shame. At other times, they deliberately share and show these things to friends, as if to say, ''See my pain. See me.''

For all of us, pain is not simply something we feel, it is something we ''perform'', often with the purpose of eliciting certain responses from others. For teenagers especially, these performances can become avenues through which they bond, ask for empathy or sympathy, and experience a sense of connectedness - something that most teenagers crave desperately. While this strategy might serve a need, it is also deeply dysfunctional.

Today this impulse is moving online. In recent months I have had two conversations with different mothers after they discovered that their children's friends were self-harming, then posting photographs of their injuries online for their peers to comment on. Perhaps most disturbing of all was that one of the children shrugged it off as ''nothing new''.

Experts are right to worry that by normalising or even glamorising self-harming behaviours, such overt displays might produce a contagion effect. This is why it's considered dangerous to even mention the issue in schools.

Despite this, it's important that researchers continue to look at why young people are externalising their self-hatred in this way and what can be done to help them. Moreover we must remember that sometimes the cruellest things a teen will ever hear are the comments they say to themselves.

Nina Funnell is a freelance writer and speaker.



Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/comment/digital-s ... z2cSbYVfSR

[rubato]

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

[Jarlaxle]

Please off yourself and put us out of your misery.

[Big RR]

Come on rubato, she was only 14--a seventh or eighth grader. Certainly it was too early to give up on her, self-involvement or not.

[Rick]

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

I've been reticent towards the vast majority of yer posts.

I don't dislike you but I'm putting you on ignore, somebody will let me know when you've grown up...

[oldr_n_wsr]

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

And under what circumstances are you "Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides"?
Keeping the terminally ill alive against their wishes for a few more extremely painful hours/days/weeks?
The old and bedridden who want to retain what little dignity they have left?

I am guessing you don't have kids rubato.
I see many a young person in the basements of AA who are in the throws of depression. Some drink, some use drugs, some self mutilate some do "all of the above." Abuse of substances (or ones self) is but a symptom of deeper problems. In this young ladies case she may have been putting herself down on the net, where in the past (pre-internet days) she may have cut herself, or developed eating disorders or used any number of ways to harm ones self. Parents, friends, reletives need to look for these signs and help. They need to seek outside counsil, so the parent and friend can learn how to help the young person who's suffering.

Just last night there was a young(er) lady sitting across from me at my meeting. While we were all sharing and discussing one of the Steps, I glanced at her and she "was not there". She had that look that she was in her own head and not really involving herself in the discussion. I have known her for about 6 months and she's usually alert and involved but not last night. So I spoke to her after the meeting and she admitted she was in one of her "depression moods". We talked for a while and at least now she recognizes when depression is setting in. Before she would turn to drugs/alcohol and before that she was burning herself. She showed me where she burned "HELP ME" into her arm. It happened 8 years ago and you could read it very clearly.
I gave her what advice I could and she said she was also going for counseling along with meetings every day. She seems to want to get better.

Most depressed people just want the pain/mood to stop. We need to help them in that respect be it with therapy or drugs or both.
Writing them off is not an option (for me anyway).

I really you never have someone you care about take their own lives.

A valued member of our AA group commited suicide a month or so ago. No warning, no outward signs. I'll tell you it sucks for those left behind.
He was a father, a grandfather, a brother who adored his whole family and spoke of them often. I don't know what pain/turmoil he was in for him to take his own life. Wish I could have helped, we all do. (at least his family and the members of our group cared)

[RayThom]

Or maybe it was one of those four comments she didn't write that pushed her over the edge. Now that she's dead I wonder if she'd be happy with all the attention her actions are getting? Probably not.

The neuroscience of the "whys and wherefores" of suicide are fairly well known and predictable to a certain degree. The science of "who" remains a pretty dark mystery. Hindsight is 100%... foresight still hovers near 0%. It's the emotional component that is so elusive.

I'm all for a "Final Exit" strategy for infirm and/or aging adults. As hopelessly lost as this young girl appears to have been I wish someone had understood the warning signs and taken this odd behavior more seriously. Some people, unfortunately, are truly beyond hope but it shouldn't mean that everyone gives up completely. Alas, virtual humanity for a virtual reality.

[rubato]

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

And under what circumstances are you "Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides"?
Keeping the terminally ill alive against their wishes for a few more extremely painful hours/days/weeks?
The old and bedridden who want to retain what little dignity they have left?

I am guessing you don't have kids rubato.
I see many a young person in the basements of AA who are in the throws of depression. Some drink, some use drugs, some self mutilate some do "all of the above." Abuse of substances (or ones self) is but a symptom of deeper problems. In this young ladies case she may have been putting herself down on the net, where in the past (pre-internet days) she may have cut herself, or developed eating disorders or used any number of ways to harm ones self. Parents, friends, reletives need to look for these signs and help. They need to seek outside counsil, so the parent and friend can learn how to help the young person who's suffering.

Just last night there was a young(er) lady sitting across from me at my meeting. While we were all sharing and discussing one of the Steps, I glanced at her and she "was not there". She had that look that she was in her own head and not really involving herself in the discussion. I have known her for about 6 months and she's usually alert and involved but not last night. So I spoke to her after the meeting and she admitted she was in one of her "depression moods". We talked for a while and at least now she recognizes when depression is setting in. Before she would turn to drugs/alcohol and before that she was burning herself. She showed me where she burned "HELP ME" into her arm. It happened 8 years ago and you could read it very clearly.
I gave her what advice I could and she said she was also going for counseling along with meetings every day. She seems to want to get better.

Most depressed people just want the pain/mood to stop. We need to help them in that respect be it with therapy or drugs or both.
Writing them off is not an option (for me anyway).

I really you never have someone you care about take their own lives.

A valued member of our AA group commited suicide a month or so ago. No warning, no outward signs. I'll tell you it sucks for those left behind.
He was a father, a grandfather, a brother who adored his whole family and spoke of them often. I don't know what pain/turmoil he was in for him to take his own life. Wish I could have helped, we all do. (at least his family and the members of our group cared)

I'm guessing you read a lot of crap into what other people have not said and then respond to that.

That's my guess.

yrs,
rubato

[Joe Guy]

rubato is being even more hateful than usual.

He must have had his allowance reduced.

[Jarlaxle]

Or someone cut off his booze.

[rubato]

Any unintelligent excuse to pour shit into a thread and the claque all oblige.



yrs,
rubato

[Joe Guy]

Any unintelligent excuse to pour shit into a thread...

He seems to know why he does it.

Maybe he's crying out for help.

[oldr_n_wsr]

I'm guessing you read a lot of crap into what other people have not said and then respond to that.

That's my guess.

yrs,
rubato

I think you said it all in this post.

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

I don't think I over analyzed your position.
You questioned her self involvement. Maybe you don't know about depression and how it manifests itself so, i'll let this go.

You speculate that we (mankind?, you?, her family?, her friends?) might be better off without her.

That if she were to try suicide in your presence that you would not try to 100% of your ability to stop her.

Got empathy?

[Lord Jim]

Everytime they hit a new low you think they can't do worse. And every time they do.

What a coincidence rube....

That's precisely the reaction I frequently have when I read a new post of yours....

Case In Point, #6,437:

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

[rubato]

LJ chimes in with "I'm the more shit and more claque of which you speak"!


Don't cry me a river, go drink a sewer. It's what you want.

yrs,
rubato

[rubato]

I'm guessing you read a lot of crap into what other people have not said and then respond to that.

That's my guess.

yrs,
rubato

I think you said it all in this post.

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

I don't think I over analyzed your position.
You questioned her self involvement. Maybe you don't know about depression and how it manifests itself so, i'll let this go.

You speculate that we (mankind?, you?, her family?, her friends?) might be better off without her.

That if she were to try suicide in your presence that you would not try to 100% of your ability to stop her.

Got empathy?

try harder to recall what you posted. go back and re-read it if you need to.




yrs,
rubato

[Lord Jim]

go drink a sewer.

Not gonna happen rube...

Not gonna drink out of anything that you bathe in...

more claque of which you speak

Rube, you're not being ganged up on...

Your problem, (well, one of the many) is that a lot of the things you say are so disgusting that they disgust multiple people so multiple people have something to say about your disgusting comments. (And speaking approvingly of the suicide of a sad troubled child who never harmed anyone is about as disgusting as it gets)

The solution here would be for you to try to be less disgusting....(unfortunately you're probably not capable of that, since disgusting is simply too intrinsic to the nature of what you are as a person.)

Most people have moral sensibilities, and so it's only logical that they would speak out when they see you express the grotesquely callous and morally repellant things you frequently say.

ETA:

Let me draw an analogy for you here that perhaps even your wee small brain will be able to grasp:

When DBA would say something outrageously offensive, (like when he suggested that we give zero help to the Haitians who were devastated by that earthquake a few years ago...the kind of thing I could easily see you also saying BTW, maybe if it was a heavily Christian country that was struck, since your bigotry towards Christians is very similar to DBA's bigotry toward Blacks) lots of people would post criticizing and condemning him for it....

Did this mean that DBA was being ganged up on by some "clique"? Did it mean that he had been picked out to be picked on by some nasty bullies in need of "targets"?

Of course not. The treatment he got was a logical result of his own behavior; he was 100% personally responsible for it.

You're in exactly the same boat. Like DBA, you say ignorant and morally repellant things that offend multiple people so multiple people respond. It's just that simple. And like DBA, you are also 100% personally responsible for the reactions you get. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it.

[oldr_n_wsr]

try harder to recall what you posted. go back and re-read it if you need to.

yrs,
rubato

I know what I posted, and I have read what you posted. If I have erred in my assesment of this post

Self-involvement to the point of suicide?

Perhaps we're just as well off without her. She cared so much about herself that it crowded out any other meaning in her life, or the opinions of anyone else.

Generally I'm in favor of preventing suicides. In this case I might make less of an effort. Bleeah.

yrs,
rubato

please explain further.

[dgs49]

Regarding sympathy and empathy, and emotions of that sort,

Unless we suffer the conceit that our capacity for sympathy and empathy is infinite, it is better to save it (and our charity) for those who truly deserve it.

And there are countless people who do deserve it. For example, those affected by birth defects, disadvantaged family or environmental conditions, those who are innocently infected by terrible diseases, devastated by so-called Acts of God, or who are victimized by our fellow humans in infinite numbers of ways.

This thread is about a single individual who killed herself after what appears to have been an orgy of self-destructive, self-absorbed emotional masturbation. Putting a name on it and calling it a "disease" may be helpful for some, but when compared to, say, an anonymous fourteen year old girl who was killed in a poisonous gas attack in Syria last week, or a fourteen year old girl who was killed in an auto accident by a drunk driver, she comes up short. I feel sorry for her parents, but on the general Tragedy Meter, her death registers at about the same level as St. Trayvonn. Which is to say, not worthy of much sympathy.

[Lord Jim]

Dave it's posts like this one that really helps to strengthen the hand of those around here who have asserted that they see you and rube as two sides of the same coin....

ETA:

I very much doubt that there is another poster on this board, (aside of course from yourself and rube) who doesn't see the death of this child as a sad and tragic thing.

I'd really like to send the pair of you over to this girl's house so you can explain your callous, heartless views to her grieving parents...

Except that they don't deserve to be exposed to that trash...