oldr_n_wsr's alcoholic adventure

[oldr_n_wsr]

Glad your Dad is ok -- pacer surgery is pretty routine and the benefits from one are immense.

And well done on keeping up the hard work oldr. It's definitely not easy.

Thanks
I do find staying sober easier now that the obsession has been lifted.
And i think being/staying sober is easier than the alternative, lieing/cheating/sneeking to get the next drink. Then the regrets and guilt and remorse one gets after drinking.

So far I'm a happy sober camper.

[dales]

[Joe Guy]

Oldr.. You should read this book. I did and thought it was great. I don't know if you're familiar with Craig Ferguson, but the book is great and made me a big fan of his....

[oldr_n_wsr]

I'll give it a go.

[alice]

I hope your dad's okay oldr-n-wsr.


... and you're doing great with the not-drinking. I have a family member with liver and other damage due to alcohol - constantly being scared about what she's doing to her body and the possible end result, being in tears before doctor's visits because of fearing 'the worst', haven't been enough incentive to stop the drinking. It's such a hard addiction to end, and you've been so strong in your resolve. Good for you for how far you've come - and good luck with the rest of your journey.

[Gob]

Lovely to see you again Alice!!

[oldr_n_wsr]

Health problems "nudged" my mom to go to AA and get sober. I say "nudged" because if one is not ready to do the work needed, no course of treatment is going to work.

And as far as worrying about the results of the next checkup, as soon as the results are in they will be forgotten and the drinking will continue.

And thanks for the words of support. I'll be in touch soon.

I'm pretty sure I have 5 months sober. Can't remember the exact date, but I am leaning toward my last drink sometime around the end of the first week in April. No matter, I am sober today.

I was asked to speak at my home group on Monday night. I think it went over well as many a hand was raised and most people were relating to the message I was trying to put out there. There were a few "whiners" who use the meetings as a therapy session for their day to day problems. I should have not called on them as I know they always air their problems like we are going to fix them for them.

But most appreciated the message I tried to convey and brought their own experiences in getting and staying sober and how their lives (and they themselves) are getting better and more "on track".

AA should be (and once was) all about the message on how to get and stay sober. The newcomer or the person looking squarely at a relapse does not want to hear about how your daughter was disrespectful to you today. They need to hear how we are getting and staying sober. What it takes to get and stay sober. How, with the help of other alcoholics, they can get and stay sober too.

I bring my personal troubles to those people who don't mind lending an ear, friends, other alcoholics, people who have been through similar trials. I do it out of the rooms so as not to burden and take time away from the real reason we are thre, that we are alcoholics and this is the number one treatment program to get and stay sober.

Thanks for letting me rant. Just another resentment that keeps popping up in me. It's gone for now.

[Lord Jim]

The newcomer or the person looking squarely at a relapse does not want to hear about how your daughter was disrespectful to you today. They need to hear how we are getting and staying sober.

Maybe being able to vent a little about the things that bugged them that day (in a place where they know it will go no further) is what's helping them stay sober...

[oldr_n_wsr]

That subject has been brought up and for the most part it is allowed, except in certain "types" of meetings. But the real message of AA is the method of getting and staying sober. It was not designed to be a group therapy session.
Sixty years ago the success rate was near 90%, now we are lucky if it's 20%. Many blame it on AA becoming a therapy group rather than a get and stay sober group. The big book of AA details how to get and stay sober, no where in there is anything about therapy sessions.

I understand that people need to vent their problems. Heck, I have done it too, but I try and keep it to a minimum and try to get across what I am doing to stay sober and how the tools imparted to me are used to help me stay sober. You are encouraged to get a sponsor and support group to get you through lifes every day ups and downs.

The biggest and most important message that was told to me and that I finally understood was that my circucumstances (aka real life trials, tribulations, joys, triumphs, etc) were not a prerequisite for me to drink. I was going to drink whether things were going great in my life, if my life going bat-shit crazy or if I was laying in the gutter. AA has helped me with understanding that and only after I understood that, could I work on my inner problems that caused my drinking.

[Jarlaxle]

How much of that is people being FORCED to go to AA, who have no desire to go and no intention of stopping?

[oldr_n_wsr]

How much of that is people being FORCED to go to AA, who have no desire to go and no intention of stopping?

There are plenty of those. Anyone getting a DWI is SOP (whether forced or highly recommended) to go to in/out patient and go to meetings. The lawyers push it so they have something to show the judges that their client is trying to rectify their ways. And we welcome anyone who want to come and try.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (Tradition 3). And there is no "test" or background check. If you say you want to stop drinking (whether you really do or not) then you are a member.

[Gob]

Just to add a personal note to this thread. I decided to have 2 months of total abstinence from alcohol in the run up to our next UK jaunt. I'm now in the fifth week of nine, (I cocked my dates up, and added an extra week in.)

Now in the last week. Will have a glass of wine/champagne at Hen's birthday meal on Saturday night, and my first beer on Tuesday evening when back in Wales.

(Apologies to O-n-W for talking about starting back drinking.)

[oldr_n_wsr]

No problem Gob. The obsession to drink has been removed from me so speaking about drinking or even being around alcohol does not bother me. I do have to cope with the "social" situations. It takes a little getting used to not drinking at parties and b-b-q's and my sober social skills are not where I would like them to be. if you understand what I am getting at Conversation (at least on my part) come a little more "haltingly" than when I had a few (dozen). But it's all good. Sober life doesn't suck (and that's a rave from me). Just takes a little getting used to.

[Lord Jim]

I do have to cope with the "social" situations.

That's what I've always thought must be the toughest part of dealing with an alcohol addiction...the ubiquitous presence of it in our society, and the social acceptability of it...

I'm sure that kicking a heroin addiction is no fun but if you want avoid situations where heroin is available, that's a pretty easy thing to do...

People aren't shooting up heroin at picnics, or holiday gatherings or ballgames...

There aren't grocery store shelves and refrigerators filled with heroin...

You can walk into the 7-11 without having the temptation of heroin staring you in the face...

There aren't places where people gather to openly shoot heroin on street corners or in strip malls or hotels...

There aren't thousands of TV commercials showing you how great it is to enjoy heroin with friends...

Once you've kicked the physical part of a heroin addiction, in order to avoid temptation all you have to do really is avoid the shady people you used to do heroin with...

In order to avoid the temptations of alcohol, you'd pretty much have to live under a rock...

Short of joining a cult that prohibits imbibing and never leaving their compound, it's pretty much a practical impossibility to avoid exposure to the easy availability of alcohol...

[Gob]

Thanks O-n-W I hoped that may be the case.

Yep, I agree with O-n-W and Jim. My past 9 weeks of abstinence has been made easier by us not having any great social events, bar a couple of gigs, to attend.Hen has still had a few glasses of wine at the weekend, and Hatch and her beau have had one beer, or one port, on the weekend too. Though being around people drinking, who actually stop after only one glass of wine, is rather amusing.

[oldr_n_wsr]

That's what I've always thought must be the toughest part of dealing with an alcohol addiction...the ubiquitous presence of it in our society, and the social acceptability of it...

Being around alcohol is not the hard part, at least for me. Although some of the new bourbons that are being advertised sound yummy. Oh well. That obsession is gone (and will hopefully stay away)

For me, the problem is being more than a little self conscious. The interactions with others that the "beer bravado" had no trouble with. Conversing with a beer in one hand and a shot in the other, laughing at stupid shit was easy. Alcohol was my social lubricant. One of the hardest parts was preparing for the first time someone asked if I wanted a drink (or a beer). Talked to my sponsor and he said if someone asks if you want a drink just respond with "yes, I would like a coke (or ice tea or water or....)" If they asked you if you want a beer, just say "no thanks". Easy, right? Not to an alcoholic. We blow it all out of proportion. Instead of thinking of responding the easy way, we think of 100,000 different scenarios in our head and an excuse or lie about how we are not drinking today, or have a medical problem or I'm hungover from last night or ....... When a simple "no thanks" would cover it. We are so used to lieing and/or making excuses that a simple "no thanks" to the question "do you want a drink?" never occurs to us.

Doing Step 4 (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves) has shown me I am a small, fearful, insecure, selfish child. And that's ok and I am fine with that realization. I am still the husband, father, partner, friend, son, brother and 55 years old. Just there are parts of me that revert to that child at times. Knowing that, allows me to learn, build and grow up into a better husband, father, etc. Drinking was a symptom of deeper insecurities. Drinking numbed those insecurities, feelings and emotions. And it did a great job of that. Now that I am no longer drinking away those feeling and emotions, I have to deal with them. Grow from knowing them. Realizing I can be a better person and work on that goal.

[oldr_n_wsr]

Thanks O-n-W I hoped that may be the case.

Yep, I agree with O-n-W and Jim. My past 9 weeks of abstinence has been made easier by us not having any great social events, bar a couple of gigs, to attend.Hen has still had a few glasses of wine at the weekend, and Hatch and her beau have had one beer, or one port, on the weekend too. Though being around people drinking, who actually stop after only one glass of wine, is rather amusing.

I never ever had just one. Mabe one liter, but not just one glass.

Information Warning
As it has been explained to me, there are two aspects to the disease??** of alcoholism. One, there is a physical allergy and two, there is a mental obsession.
Many people have the physical allergy but do not have the mental obsession. While they may develope the mental obsession, most do not. These people, after having their first drink or a few, do not stop drinking like more social drinkers. They have a "bit more" or just drink faster than others. They are usually the last to leave a function and consume more alcohol than others. But after the party is over they go on their merry way and not drink for a while, but most of all their thoughts are not totally consumed by when/where/how are they getting their next drink. Basically they can take or leave drinking alcohol, but once they do drink, they drink a lot.

The physical alergy portion will never go away as it's basis is chemicals in the brain. After the alcoholic has stopped drinking and gone through detox, the way to deal with the physical allergy is to not have that first drink. But now the mental obsession takes over, and this is the tough part. I am not going to go through the various mental tricks that have been tried (usually to no avail) enough to say that only through surrendering and totally giving up fighting and a good deal of praying, was the mental obsession removed from me. I am not touting religion or any kind of deity, only that I believe there is some kind of energy that we all have and by believing that the obsession could be removed, was it removed from me.

The rest of AA is a doctrine for self examination and living. Most people could use a little fine tuning and discovering of their weaknesses and strength which would make us all better people.

Thanks for listening.

** the doctors and scientist can decide if it is a disease, I subscribe to the thought that it is an allergy (at least the physical portion).

[oldr_n_wsr]

I think I have hit the 6 month mark of my sobriety. If not it's any day now. I'm too lazy to go look it up but I know it was the first or second week of april that I stopped. i feel really good and have no desire nor obsession to drink. I was going to do my fifth step with my sponsor a week ago saturday, but he came down with the flu (or some other sickness that was like the flu) and then went down to Florida for a month or so. Mhy sponsor suggested that if I really want to do step 5 before he comes back to ask another sponsee of his (Bob) to do it with me. Bob has 3 years sobriety and I get along with him rather well. Haven't decided what I will do but I'll talk to him at the meeting tonight.

Spent a good part of yesterday at the annual AA share-a-thon. Listened to a lot of good speakers. One guy I was very good and explained how he, as an agnostic, was able to go through the steps and stay sober for 30+ years. We exchanged phone numbers and I plan to talk to him often. I like his views and belief system. It seems to be similar to mine, and our upbringings were similar.

And even if I don't do my 5th step until my sponsor gets back, I have identified more than a few character defects that I can stay aware of and try to overcome. Just trying to be a better person/husband/father and do the next right thing. It may sound corny but I think it might be a better place if more people tried to do the next right thing.

Happy Monday to all.

[MajGenl.Meade]

No, it doesn't sound corny. Do agnostics have a "belief" system or an "I don't know" system? Anyway, keep on keeping on and God bless

Meade

[oldr_n_wsr]

Did step 5 with my sponsor on saturday and we went right in to steps 6 and 7. He says I am done with them but I want to "digest" them a bit before I go on to steps 8 and 9. Feeling really good. Cool, calm and collected is me.