Considering a radical change...

[Jarlaxle]

I'm considering...basically rebooting my life. Just walk away from everyone and everything...hitch-hike someplace (don't know--or care--where)...just start from scratch.

[TPFKA@W]

I think running away from home as an adult is a commonthought/desire/ fantasy. I guess if you disappear we will all know you went *poof*. Leave a note for Liz though, so she can find closure.

[Jarlaxle]

It would be more than a note...it would be a bunch of paperwork...bank account information, insurance policies, vehicle titles, etc, etc, etc.

Considering that everything I have ever touched in my entire wasted life turns to shit, the best thing I could do for Liz would probably be to leave and never return.

[TPFKA@W]

Before you do all that why not seek some help for the depression that you seem to suffer. Sometimes a few milligrams of this or that can change everything. If you love and care about Liz it would be worth the effort.

[Jarlaxle]

I'll eat a shotgun before I get a chemical lobotomy. Only thing I ever got from a shrink was a bill.

It's not depression, it's simple reality. The world would be a better place had I been aborted.

[TPFKA@W]

Well it is more like the chemicals are simply cleaning up what nature has screwed up in your bloodstream. Sucking on a shotgun is no sure fire (oh god what a horrible pun) cure. If you don't die you can wind up much worse off than what you suffer at present. Plus it's sucky for your loved ones who have to find you and then clean up the mess. It's grossly unfair not to at least try to do something rather than put others through the residuals of a messy suicide.

[Jarlaxle]

Well it is more like the chemicals are simply cleaning up what nature has screwed up in your bloodstream.

I do not think my problems are correctable...or even treatable. I honestly am wondering if I have the beginning stages of CTE.

[TPFKA@W]

Well you never know unless you get a workup and an evaluation. I do know that it does not help to allow inertia to take over. You have to take the right steps to go and find out just what the hell is wrong. Then you do what you are told to do and keep at it a while because it takes a while to tweak the meds and get them right. There is a cornucopia of things out there that can help. There is no need to marinate in misery.

[Joe Guy]

It's not depression, it's simple reality. The world would be a better place had I been aborted.

That's exactly what most people with depression would say. A good way to reboot your life would be to start by seeing a doctor and dealing with things instead of trying to escape them. Medication is not the only way doctors treat people who have thoughts like yours.

At least give it some serious thought. If not for yourself, then do it for those in your life who care about you (including people here at Plan B).

[Jarlaxle]

Bluntly, I think my brains have been scrambled...and as I recall, there is fuck-all that anyone can do about it.

[TPFKA@W]

Well if you were once told there is fuck all to be done you need to consider second opinions and also that new options are available because new treatments emerge all the time.

What can it hurt to seek help again?

[liberty]

It would be more than a note...it would be a bunch of paperwork...bank account information, insurance policies, vehicle titles, etc, etc, etc.

Considering that everything I have ever touched in my entire wasted life turns to shit, the best thing I could do for Liz would probably be to leave and never return.

My advise for what it is worth is don’t do it most likely it will only make things worse. I believe we all have feeling like that from time to time for various reasons, but given time they pass.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Jarl - don't self-diagnose please. That's as likely to be accurate as the self-prescribed cure is to be appropriate. Loving a person has rewards, no matter how difficult times may be - mourning a person brings only pain. I suggest that you are without true knowledge as to whether the world would be better without you now or whether it would have been better had you never existed. It's a thing you are in no position to judge.

I believe that non-clinical depression has a better cure available than the secular world offers but that clinical causes must first be ruled out or identified and treated as TPFKA put so well. Christmas is a bad time of year for those who struggle. Please don't let the season rule you

God bless
Peter

[oldr_n_wsr]

Jaraxle, take the suggestions. I am sure you have negative feelings about shrinks and/or counselors, but you can locate a support group. Normal, everyday people who have been there rather than some PhD who has plenty of theory but no practicality. They can help.

[Jarlaxle]

Yeah, and end up in a nut house for the rest of my life. Pass. I'd rather self-medicate with alcohol and LSD.

[rubato]

If following your inclinations got you here, and you don't like here, then maybe a route out is to do something outside your previous experience; like some of the things others have suggested? See some one professionally. Brains are complicated things. And self diagnosing a brain malfunction is like using a broken computer to fix itself. It's not that it can't ever work but.

[Lord Jim]

I hate to admit it, but that sounds pretty sensible to me...

[Big RR]

I agree Jarl, try, some of the suggestions; if they don't work, there will be time enough for anything else you might want to
contemplate, but if they do, and they well might, you'll be saving your family a world of unimaginable hurt.

[Daisy]

I hate to admit it, but that sounds pretty sensible to me...

Jarl. The people here really do care about you and many speak from experience of friends, relatives and possibly themselves dealing with depression. It is so worth trying professional help, if it doesn't work then come back and bollock us about it.

Talk to Liz about what's going on, she might be more understanding and supportive than you imagine, especially if you've been acting weird for what she thinks is no reason.

Peace and love to you feller xx

[Long Run]

I agree with the above -- figuring out a reasonable path forward can include professional help. It is worth the effort to find the right help.