The Fry Up Inspector calls

[Gob]

Known to thousands as an anonymous food blogger, the Fry Up Inspector has travelled the country in search of the perfect Full English. So just who is the man doling out the Michelin star of bacon, eggs and bangers?

For the past couple of years stickers have appeared in cafes, restaurants, tea rooms and farm shops.

Nestled next to a TripAdvisor accolade and perhaps a council food hygiene rating, "The Fry Up Inspector recommends" means a mystery diner has eaten a cooked breakfast there, reviewed it for his blog and ranked it as one of the best he's eaten.

More than 300 fry-ups have been tried and tested in the inspector's home city of Norwich, with the search extended to London, Northampton, Cambridge, Brighton and Bristol.

But very few people know who he is - and we cannot tell you his name or clearly reveal his identity.

His "hobby" relies on him being able to eat breakfasts incognito, without any whiff of suspicion that the inspector is in town.

Aged in his 40s and with a day job working with adults with learning difficulties, the man I meet is not what I expected. For one thing, he's slim.

"Everyone says that," he says. "But I only have fry-ups at the weekend. I don't do breakfast.

"Most mornings it's a coffee, and we eat fish and steamed vegetables during the week."

The "we" refers to his wife and breakfast companion, who tries the vegetarian fry-up option and gives her opinion for the blog.

They even had a fry-up themed wedding reception and it was their shared love of going to gigs around the country which fired their obsession.

"We'd gone to Peterborough to see a band and were staying at a £20-a-night place," he explains, giving me a look that suggests 'yes, what did we expect'.

The perfect breakfast

Top quality sausage and bacon

Fried egg with a runny yolk

Tinned, not fresh, tomatoes

Mushrooms are "crucial"

"Nice and stodgy" baked beans

Hash browns are "ok"


Definitely no chips

Source: The Fry Up Inspector"The next day we had an awful breakfast. It was a piece of toast with an undercooked fried egg on it and another piece of toast with a cheap sausage on it.

"When we cut into it, the sausage was cold and raw in the middle. It was such a sorry sight. I took a picture of it and put it on Facebook. It generated so many comments, like nothing I'd posted before."

Back in Norwich the following week, he enjoyed an outstanding breakfast at his local cafe and again shared a picture with his friends. It sparked the same enthusiastic response as before and inspired him to go on a quest comparing fry-ups.

The best and the worst



THE GOOD


The plump butchers sausage was good quality and cooked perfectly... the fried egg was as good as it gets. The homemade bubble and squeak was out of this world. A mass of golden chunky mushrooms, juicy flavoursome tomatoes and a sea of steaming beans finished off this truly incredible breakfast! (9.5/10)

THE BAD


The tables are much too high, so you feel like you have shrunk. Lukewarm mega economy sausages that tasted a bit like chewing on foam were moored at the edge of the massive ocean of slightly warm beans. These covered the secret weapon that was going to destroy everything - the egg. It was completely uncooked and snotty on top, and the snotty mess seemed to leak everywhere. (4/10)
THE UGLY


"A customer from outside popped his head in the door asking where his coffee was. As my breakfast was being brought over to me the lady said to me "who does he think he is? [SWEARWORD] royalty?" This was the first time ever a breakfast had been served with an F word (3.5/10)

"I was getting frustrated as other websites reviewing breakfasts had such little information on them. I wanted to write something far more detailed to make sure people would know when places were open for breakfast, what was on the menu and what the experience was like.

When he started he said he would be "pretty excited" if 10 people read a review. He now has more than 1,400 likes on Facebook and gets 1,000 hits a day on the blog.

"I learnt that a lot of people go out for breakfast at least a couple of times a month and with so many places to choose from, certainly in Norwich, it can be a bit of a gamble so my blog helps them locate the places that are going to be good," he added.

"I think I must have hit a gap in the market, I do push it on social media, but I think it's also down to growing a fan base."

He judges each cafe on six key factors: first impressions, service, ingredients, presentation, taste and value, all while surreptitiously taking photographs on his mobile phone.

Points can be lost if the waiters are unwelcoming, use crockery that has seen better days or get his order wrong.

"I want simplicity in the ordering process. I also think about the vibe of the place," he says.

"You could have the most amazing breakfast in the world, but if the staff are rude and make you feel like you shouldn't be there then you don't have a good experience.

"Does the food look appetising when it's brought over, does it makes me want to get stuck in? I focus on how it's cooked, anything that's not quite right, items that don't have any flavour."

He then adds each individual score and divides the total by six. Any breakfast which scores 8.5/10 or higher earns the establishment a recommended sticker.

Twelve have been bestowed with the honour in Norwich in the past two years. However, while his blog can helpfully tell visitors where to find a good breakfast, its darkest corners are the most entertaining.

"Stand here and pay... and sit here and pray" he comments in the photo captions for a woeful cafe which went on to score just 2/10 for a cold breakfast.

Another review in March for a "breakfast from hell" at a cafe on the outskirts of the city resulted in 9,000 hits in 24 hours, the most popular so far.

"Whoever said I should go there must have had a death wish against me," he said. "It was depressing. I just wanted to leave but had to do the review."

He still believes the good outweigh the bad does not tire of eating similar meals every weekend.

"I do think Norwich is the fry-up capital of the UK, there is so much choice and so many great places," he said.

His wife, an illustrator, is creating a hand-drawn map of Norwich highlighting a Fry Up Inspector trail of great breakfasts. He hopes every recommended cafe will keep a pile on the counter for customers to take away.

"It's the satisfaction of seeing the stickers on the window, and I like to be busy," he said.

[Long Run]

Seeing that photo brought on minor PTSD of a couple of weeks of mornings at English B&Bs.

[Sean]

Perfect breakfast my arse! Where's the black & white pud?

[Lord Jim]

I was wondering the same thing...

[Gob]

Where's the black & white pud?

Racist!!

[TPFKA@W]

It absolutely gags me to think of eating tomatoes and beans for breakfast. I have nothing against tomatoes nor beans served at other meals but at breakfast it is appalling.
I will hazard a guess that the average Englander would have similar feelings if a plate of good old American biscuits and gravy were placed in front of him.

And canned tomatoes over fresh, seriously?

[TPFKA@W]

[Guinevere]

Ugh, I'm not a fan of biscuits smothered in all that white yuck (although I'm with you on tinned tomatoes -- that's a crime). I'll take my biscuit warmed, split, with fresh local butter and maybe some homemade jam. Plus eggs, bacon, and fried green tomatoes. Maybe some cheese grits with hot sauce.

Or give me a big plate of huevos rancheros. Now there's how you use beans at breakfast!

Plus hot hot tea, with honey. A whole pot of it to linger over.

And a nap afterwards

[TPFKA@W]

fried green tomatoes. Maybe some cheese grits with hot sauce.

Or give me a big plate of huevos rancheros. Now there's how you use beans at breakfast!

It's regional I guess. The cheese grits alone is pretty gag worthy for me, and I don't own a bottle of hot sauce which I consider another abomination. Fried green tomatoes at any hour: *shudder*

Oh well it takes all types to make the world go round.

[Daisy]

Tinned plum tomatoes are sublime on a full English, they should never be paired with beans though... There's such a thing as too much moist.

But there is a skill to getting them dead right, you have to take the toms out of the juice and then reduce the juice a little before serving.

And the perfect fried egg should be done in a little smoking hot oil to crisp the white edges and the top then basted with the oil to cook the top of the white and prevent snottyness, never turned over. I have been known to lose my temper and cry over badly cooked eggs.

[rubato]

...(although I'm with you on tinned tomatoes -- that's a crime). ....

Good fresh tomatos need a hot sunny climate. Maybe they can't get them? Canned is probably better than the kind of really awful cardboard-y and flavorless tomatos that are grown to be shipped long distances.

yrs,
rubato

[BoSoxGal]

The only place I've ever been in the US (besides a British-themed pub) where that breakfast was regularly on offer, was midcoast-downeast Maine.

eta: When it's done right, it's the best breakfast there is - made for a long day's hard work.

[Gob]

Was that on the plate before or after eating the breakfast?


Since my fall from grace as a vege, this is the ultimate breakfast.

Per person

¼ cup pinhead oatmeal (about 25g)
¼ cup medium oatmeal (about 25g)
½ cup (about 100ml) whole milk
1 cup (about 200ml) water
Generous pinch of salt
Demerara sugar, golden syrup, chopped dates etc
A little more cold milk, to serve

1. Heat a dry frying pan over a medium high heat and toast the oats until fragrant. Put the oats in a medium saucepan along with the milk and 1 cup (about 200ml) water and bring slowly to the boil, stirring frequently with a spurtle, or the handle of a wooden spoon.

2. Turn down the heat even further, and simmer, stirring very regularly, for about 10 minutes, until you have the consistency you require. After about 5 minutes, add the salt.

3. Cover and allow to sit for 5 minutes, then serve with the toppings of your choice and a moat of cold milk.

Followed by;

Add some butter and oilve oil in a non-stick pan and place a portion of a kipper in.

Allow to crispen on a low heat. Season with salt and a spritz of lemon juice. Pop into the oven to keep warm.

Toast 1 slice of bread, and place on plate.

Poach 1 egg

Place fish on top of toast, and egg on top of the fish.

Using a fork, poke into the egg, and season with salt and pepper.

[Crackpot]

Was that on the plate before or after eating the breakfast?

it's just flour, sausage grease and pepper. one of those foods that came about out of necessity and ended up being pretty damn good. (the gravy alone has just about enough calories in it for a full day)

[rubato]

Is there a contest for "best lug nut of the year"? Based on this, there should be.

yrs,
rubato

[Daisy]

Is there a contest for "best lug nut of the year"? Based on this, there should be.

yrs,
rubato

I think the irony meter just exploded.

[Joe Guy]

[Crackpot]

Is there a contest for "best lug nut of the year"? Based on this, there should be.

yrs,
rubato

I think the irony meter just exploded.

Your own fault you should know by now Irony Meters aren't built to withstand rubato

[Lord Jim]

Your own fault you should know by now Irony Meters aren't built to withstand rubato

Man, don't I know it...

I decided after this gem last week:

You could have apologized for your mistake but you decided avoid the better outcome in favor of the worse.

That I would disconnect it any time I was opening a rube post...it's just too dangerous...

The last time I went to renew my Irony Meter insurance policy, it came back with a section that read:

"Does not cover Acts Of God, or posts by rubato"...

[Lord Jim]

Disconnecting the Irony Meter from rube's posts was definitely the right move...

It was getting a little tedious to have to put on safety goggles, a helmet, and a flak jacket and duck down behind my desk and yell, "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" every time I opened one of his posts...