The Four Agreements

[Guinevere]

So, apropos of a couple of comments in the Joan Rivers thread, I wanted to share something I have been using for the last few years to help crap roll off my back -- mostly nasty negative people, but sometimes other things as well. Many of you may have heard of The Four Agreements before. They were first articulated in 1997 by Don Miguel Ruiz, a practitioner of new age spirituality. My sister introduced me to the agreements, after learning about them from her therapist and we've both used them to try to learn how to better manage dealing with my father's horrible wife. It's funny, these are things I think about (almost) every day in my professional life, but sometimes struggled with applying those same concepts to my personal life. For the record, no judgment or condescension implied or included, my only point is to share something that has been useful for me. I'm also curious if others of you have come across the agreements.

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Ephesians 4:25-32
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (ESV)

[wesw]

there s that wisdom I was talking about....

[BoSoxGal]

Golden rules.

[Lord Jim]

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

That would reduce the bandwidth use by about 80% here abouts...

[MajGenl.Meade]

We'd miss you though

[TPFKA@W]

Well then this thread has nothing to do with me.

[RayThom]

Yes, yes, snatch the pebble from my hand, grasshopper.

"agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

This agreement is probably the hardest of the four to follow to the letter. Unless you're meeting people face-to-face, or maybe online at a Yale or Harvard literary blog site or forum, the internet is set up almost entirely for informal speech -- and rightly so. No one needs to read a PhD dissertation on meteorology when all you want is today's weather. It can get very blustery out there with way too much hot air.

Regardless, these four agreements are merely logical and sound guidelines. I've raised my now 24 year old daughter using the essence of their meaning and she's doing a magnificent job on all levels of her wonderful life. She makes me a proud and happy dad on a daily basis. Life is good.

agreement 5
Don't believe everything you're told. Question all authority... unless there's a gun between you and that authority.

[Lord Jim]

[BoSoxGal]

I love Pearls Before Swine!

The author was once a lawyer . . .