Wise words

[BoSoxGal]

You don’t owe anyone a justification for your values and your priorities.
You don’t owe anyone a yes when you want to say no.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationships, whether lovers or friends.
You don’t owe anyone assistance with their happiness journey at the cost of your own.
You don’t owe anyone a debate around your political views especially when the other person’s mind is made up.
You don’t owe anyone an apology when you are not sorry, and you would make the same decision again.
You don’t owe anyone a rationalization about why investing in yourself is important
You don’t owe anyone the meaning of what you believe in.
You don’t owe anyone a change in your appearance just to please them.
You don’t owe anyone friendship, especially when they do not share your values.
You don’t owe anyone a negative mindset so that you can commiserate with them.
You don’t owe anyone access to information about your life that makes you uncomfortable
You don’t owe anyone gossip material about other people just to fit in.
You don’t owe anyone your time for their projects or for things that matter to them unless they matter to you too.
You don’t owe anyone the commitment to try something “new” just because you were asked.
You don’t owe anyone a safe place for constant complaining and dwelling in their poor choices.
You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being uncomfortable.
You don’t owe anyone your services as a crisis counselor unless you are actually a crisis counselor.
You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better.
You don’t owe anyone anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against your gut instinct.

[wesw]

the above recipe for extinction is amusing, but try these ingredients instead....




Benjamin Franklin 1706 - 1790

You probably know him as one of the Fathers of the United States, a great leader and diplomat. He signed the major documents of the founding of the U.S. including the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Maybe you know him as an inventor, or as a scientist who flew kites in lightning storms, or as a writer and printing press operator.

But did you know that in 1726, at the age of 20, while on an 80-day ocean voyage from London back to Philadelphia, Benjamin Franklin developed a "Plan" for regulating his future conduct? He was partially motivated by Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." He followed the plan he created "pretty faithfully" even to the age of 79 (when he wrote about it), and he was even more determined to stick with it for his remaining days because of the happiness he had enjoyed so far by following it.

His "Plan" was made up of 13 virtues, each with short descriptions:

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation.

2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.

5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing.

6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.

11. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; Never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

12. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

He committed to giving strict attention to one virtue each week so after 13 weeks he moved through all 13. After 13 weeks he would start the process over again so in one year he would complete the course a total of 4 times.

He tracked his progress by using a little book of 13 charts. At the top of each chart was one of the virtues. The charts had a column for each day of the week and thirteen rows marked with the first letter of each of the 13 virtues. Every evening he would review the day and put a mark (dot) next to each virtue for each fault committed with respect to that virtue for that day.

Naturally, his goal was to live his days and weeks without having to put any marks on his chart. Initially he found himself putting more marks on these pages than he ever imagined, but in time he enjoyed seeing them diminish. After awhile he went through the series only once per year and then only once in several years until finally omitting them entirely. But he always carried the little book with him as a reminder.

Benjamin Franklin's 13 virtues are unique and obviously served him well since he is one of the most respected and most accomplished men in the history of the United States.

[Scooter]

I don't see a single contradiction between Franklin's 13 virtues and what bsg posted. Touching on different themes, in some respects, but not contradictory.

[wesw]

you are interrupting my "happiness journey", so piss off.....

[Scooter]

Join me for a quick astronomy lesson, wes.

Keep your right index finger extended and fold in all the other fingers of your right hand. See the tip of your index finger? That's the earth.

Now make a fist with your left hand. That's the sun.

Now move your right index finger in a big circle around your left hand. See how the earth revolves around the sun?

Now look at you left hand again. That is not you.

[wesw]

just following bigsky s guidelines..., lover....

[Scooter]

Apparently Franklin didn't rub off you.

[wesw]

you really scared me with that astronomy lesson thing....

...I was afraid you were gonna lead me to Uranus.....


hee hee hee.......

[Econoline]

[MajGenl.Meade]

I could get to like wesw.

[Big RR]

You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being uncomfortable.
You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better.

I can't agree with those two; while I guess it is true that you don't "owe" these considerations to anyone, I would think as a human being you would have a duty not to say hurtful things. Anyone who would say "No, it's not the dress it's your ass that makes you look fat", is hurting, making someone feel uncomfortable for no reason whatsoever.

I guess if the intent of these maxims is more that you can just remain silent, then they may be right; but you do owe people some consideration of their feelings.

[MajGenl.Meade]

I think that's kind of what wesw was alluding to. The first is all about self - including self-inflation - whereas the second was about serving others. WWJD? Probably not the first one, though that's a guess on my part

[oldr_n_wsr]

I live the 12 steps of AA.
And by the saying"
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Works for me.

[Lord Jim]

I have to say that much of what is in the list in the OP looks like just a lot of self-absorption to me...

I think the whole list could be replaced by something like:

"Do and say whatever you feel like whenever you feel like doing or saying it, and fuck everybody else"

[Crackpot]

Definitely doesn't pass the asshole test

[MajGenl.Meade]

Apparently Franklin didn't rub off you.

Freud much?

[Lord Jim]

You don’t owe anyone assistance with their happiness journey at the cost of your own.
You don’t owe anyone anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against your gut instinct.

Anyone who believes those things should absolutely positively never have kids...

And anyone who believes these things:

You don’t owe anyone your time for their projects or for things that matter to them unless they matter to you too.
You don’t owe anyone an apology when you are not sorry, and you would make the same decision again.
You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being uncomfortable.
You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better
You don’t owe anyone a yes when you want to say no.
You don’t owe anyone the commitment to try something “new” just because you were asked.

Should never get married...

[Big RR]

Agreed jim.

[Guinevere]

Married, hell, should never have any kind of relationship with any human being. Or belong to a community.

Cave dweller rules, for sure.

[MajGenl.Meade]

What she said