Jeffrey Toobin is a Hands On Kinda Guy

[Joe Guy]

New Yorker suspends Jeffrey Toobin for allegedly masturbating on Zoom call

The New Yorker magazine has suspended one of its long-time staff writers, legal expert Jeffrey Toobin, while it investigates a report that he was allegedly masturbating during a Zoom work call earlier this month.

“I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera,” Toobin said in a statement on Monday about the situation, first reported by Vice.

He added: “I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers. I thought I had muted the Zoom video, I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me.”

He has so far declined to confirm details.

Toobin is one of the most well-known media legal analysts in the US. He has has worked for the New Yorker for more than 25 years, and is is also a senior legal analyst at CNN.

A spokeswoman for the magazine said in a statement that Toobin “has been suspended while we investigate the matter”.

In an email to staffers, New Yorker editor David Remnick wrote : “Dear All, As you may have read in various news reports today, one of our writers, Jeff Toobin, was suspended after an incident on a Zoom call last week. Please be assured that we take such matters seriously and that we are looking into it.”

CNN issued a statement saying that Toobin “has asked for some time off while he deals with a personal issue, which we have granted”.

The online call in questions reportedly involved employees of the magazine as well as staff from WNYC, a New York City and metropolitan area radio station that is part of New York Public Radio.

Video chat service Zoom allows large groups to talk together on a single call and be seen on video, but users have the option to mute their microphone when not speaking and to shut off the camera if they don’t want to be seen or don’t have the internet bandwidth to support the camera service.

Embarrassing mishaps or glitches have not been uncommon since the service grew in popularity amid the coronavirus pandemic. Incidents of public figures showering during meetings while thinking they had turned off their camera and sound were reported in Spain and Brazil.

source

[TPFKA@W]

This happens more often than it ought to, and I am not including the fake spoof one, just the others.

https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/heal ... e253b4d723

https://www.india.com/viral/man-acciden ... l-4045900/

[MajGenl.Meade]

Points out the danger of Zoom meetings in which participants are encouraged not to evaluate or criticize ideas but just to toss in anything.

[Joe Guy]

A lot of men have discovered the secret to maintaining a healthy prostate while social distancing.

[MajGenl.Meade]

He has the Jizzoom setting all wrong

[Gob]

"Come together with zoom!"

[ex-khobar Andy]

At a time when we need Toobin's competent* analysis - SCOTUS nominee; election coming up - I'll miss him. He will have trouble living this down; although Richard Quest, a CNN business analyst, seems to have put it behind him.

* I don't know really how sound Toobin's analysis is - I am not a lawyer nor do I play on one TV - but he says the things I want to hear.

[BoSoxGal]

This was so disappointing to see. Toobin IS a really smart analyst (I’ve sought out his pieces and appearances since way back in the time of the OJ trial) and his voice should be in the conversation right now, about SCOTUS and all the various constitutional crises at hand.

I would point out how easy it is to put a sticky note over one’s computer camera, but I’m not sure that’s even relevant. When things like this happen I tend to think maybe some deep compulsion to be seen is actually at play, however much the culprit might protest. Otherwise surely it’s possible for even a fairly horny person to hold off until meeting’s end?

Anyway it sucks - his career as he knew it is probably toast. I hope TNY hires a terrific woman legal analyst/writer in his space.

[Gob]

I would point out how easy it is to put a sticky note over one’s computer camera, but I’m not sure that’s even relevant.

He did put a sticky note on his computer, that's why they sacked him.

[BoSoxGal]

Nicely played.

[Econoline]

.ווען דער פּוטז שטייט, ליגט דער סייכל אין דער ערד

— Old Yiddish proverb

[Sue U]

.ווען דער פּוטז שטייט, ליגט דער סייכל אין דער ערד

— Old Yiddish proverb

There's something comparable in every language, I'm sure.

[BoSoxGal]

When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground

[Sue U]

When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground

I would have rendered it "When the dick stands up, the brain (alt.: "good sense") is left lying on the ground."

Or as John Hiatt would say, "I'm just so easily led when the little head does the thinking."

[MajGenl.Meade]

Google offers: "When the putz stands, the intellect lies in the ground"

Different strokes, I guess

[Sue U]

Yeah, it can be difficult to give a translation the same kind of flavor. Here, for example, the word " סייכל" (seichel) is freighted with many shades of meaning: brains, intellect, intelligence, sensibility, wisdom, understanding, etc., based on context, but not really "the brain" itself as an organ. Nevertheless, I think a better version would be "When the dick stands up, the brain lies down." Not as accurate word for word, but a lot pithier.

[BoSoxGal]

Essentially, ‘he thinks with his little head’?

[Sue U]

Essentially, ‘he thinks with his little head’?

All the ways to convey that meaning.

[Scooter]

Here's How to Avoid Accidentally Showing Your Genitals to Your Colleagues on Zoom

It’s happened to the best of us during this period of extended working from home: You’re minding your own business when suddenly a Zoom room full of your colleagues and/or business partners gets a non-consensual eyeful of unsecured loin. Accident or not, that’s really fucked up. It’s even possible that the incident could lead to professional or personal consequences.

We here at Gizmodo have been discussing this very same problem for no reason in particular at all or anything, why do you ask? And we’ve come up with some tips on how to avoid using Zoom to sexually harass every single person you work with. Please read and consider:

Consider avoiding having your junk out in the first place

Yes, this one is a little out of left field, but hear me out. You can’t expose your genitals to a room full of colleagues—some of whom you may have known and respected for decades!—if you take steps to ensure your genitals aren’t visible to anyone at all.

Clothing designers have known the risks of accidental genital exposure for years, and they’ve designed several innovative technologies to prevent it from happening. For example, they’ve invented pants, which are a sort of leg tube system that adjoins at the top and typically shield the crotch from visibility. They might set you back a bit; expect to pay at least $20 for a good set of pants. The good news is you can buy them pretty much anywhere. (You should probably own several, as the pants system isn’t necessarily foolproof with extended wear and tear.) With properly sized pants secured to your waist, your coworkers won’t be able to see your genitals no matter what you do, other than taking off your pants.

Make sure you don’t confuse pants with “chaps,” which leave the hog and entourage exposed, or buy any models of pants labeled “crotchless,” which is a big red flag. Advanced pants users may also want to consider underwear, an accessory worn under the pants that provides an additional layer of opacity in the case of pants failure. Other options include shorts, skirts, and dresses.

Wear the pants properly

Make sure the pants are affixed as shown in the second image, not the first.

Incorrect pants-wearing:



Correct pants-wearing:



Consider exposing your genitals only outside of work hours and while not on a video meeting

In the past few decades, most employers have actually implemented policies mandating non-exposure to genitalia in the workplace (in many cases, they may even have obligations under federal law to do so).

An employer obviously can’t control what you do in your off time, and when you’re not on Zoom call, they won’t be able to tell if your genitalia is exposed. But better safe than sorry: Only expose yourself on your own time and while not actively on a video call.

Make sure not to hang any photos of your naked body on the wall behind you

Look, no one’s judging you for having six-foot prints of yourself sunbathing at a nudist colony near Saint-Tropez, or hanging them on the wall in your home office—except for me and all of your coworkers. Consider taking them down or at least face the camera away from them.

Similarly, if you have naked images of yourself on in My Documents or whatever, it may be a good idea not to use Zoom’s Screen Share feature.

Make sure you’re not currently transmitting video or audio of yourself to coworkers over Zoom

If you find yourself in a Zoom call with colleagues and want to avoid forcing them to gawk at your genitals, here’s a handy list of things to consider.

Zoom doesn’t just let you watch other people’s cameras; it actually shows you what you’re currently transmitting from your camera. Check the example in the image below on the left. You should make a mental note of what area in your home is visible to any colleagues on the call and avoid exposing any part of your naked body (particularly the reproductive or excretory systems) in that field of vision.



Note that while the lower half of your body may technically not be visible on the camera, don’t get overconfident. There’s always the possibility you could stand up or the camera could shift.

Additionally, while it’s a bit outside the scope of this article, you should consider covering other parts of your body as well. This is a no-no:



If at some point during the call you need to expose your naughty bits for any reason, Zoom actually has built-in functionality to prevent the matter from escalating to HR. The “stop video” button, as shown in the screenshot below, terminates the video connection between you and your colleagues. (If you find yourself in a situation where your colleagues may overhear weird flesh-slapping or grunting noises while your genitals are exposed or otherwise being manipulated, consider hitting “end audio” as well.) Remember that hitting the “Join Audio” or “Start Video” buttons will reconnect whether you’re decent or not.

The “End” button stops the call entirely, serving much the same function.



Make sure you’re not simply muting your speaker audio before whipping anything private out. That could run the risk of, say, an entire Zoom call of colleagues yelling at you to “Cover that shit up!” or “For the love of Christ and all that is holy, stop touching that!” to no avail.

That’s it: Follow these steps and you shouldn’t have any “Zoom dick” incidents, barring a freak incident such as tornado whipping through your house and ripping off your clothes, a member of antifa suddenly pantsing you, or all of your teammates obtaining and wearing X-Ray glasses simultaneously. Feel free to trade tips in the comments below.

[BoSoxGal]