We all love puns

[Bicycle Bill]

Wait a minute ...I found some leftover chicken sweden sour.
I'll microwave that so it won't be so chile.

-"BB"-

[MajGenl.Meade]

[Joe Guy]

The two dogs became worried that things might get ruff! Nevertheless, they stayed and hoped they would be judged by the content of their character rather than the collar of their skin.

[MGMcAnick]

I had to replace the front wheel bearings on my Honda Accord recently. It's a job that requires pushing the old bearing out of the part of the front suspension called a spindle. You can't push the bearing out by hand. It takes a hydraulic press capable of pushing with several tons of force to shove the bearing from its hole, and insert the new bearing.

Here's a hydraulic press
https://www.harborfreight.com/12-ton-sh ... 4OEALw_wcB

Here's a spindle. The bearing is the part in the center with the hole in it
https://www.ebay.com/itm/185023109609?c ... zVEALw_wcB

I asked a friend of mine, who is a mechanic for my local school district's buses, if I could use the press in the transportation department's shop. No problem. A few days later I drove past the gate to the shop area and unloaded both of my spindles and new bearings from my pickup truck. After a few minutes of setting up, I was ready to press out my first bearing. In walked the director of the transportation department. They call him the "bus boss". He spoke to my friend, and then approached me. I introduced myself, and explained what I was doing there. He explained that I was not authorized, nor was I insured in case of an accident. I started pleading my case as a taxpayer, and then realized that my presence was guaranteed by the first amendment to the constitution. I explained that freedom of the press is one of the most important tenets added by our founding fathers.

He starting laughing, hard. Then he asked if I knew what I was doing. Satisfied with my answer, he walked away. I think I'd be welcome to do it again.

[ex-khobar Andy]

I've replaced front wheel bearings without a press. Maybe in those days of yore they were not on so tight (I am thinking particularly of a succession of Ford Cortinas, c 1973 -1976) and you make a wooden drift and with a 3 lb sledge and muscle power and maybe some judicious application of heat, they'd come right off. In fact I did it so often I built up big biceps: I called them my bearing arms.

[Guinevere]

Riiight.

[Big RR]

Well, it's your right.

[MGMcAnick]

I've replaced front wheel bearings without a press. Maybe in those days of yore they were not on so tight.

Nor were your old Cortinas front wheel drive. Rear wheel drive cars are a whole different ball game. Easy peasy. I've done wheel bearings on many more RWDs than FWDs.

If the image works, the bright silver things sticking out to the right and left are the spindles on which the inner and outer front wheel bearings ride. You were removing the bearings from the brakes, either drum or disc. The struts shown are probably for a later model Cortina with MacPherson front suspension. I'm not sure when Ford made the change from the old double A arm.

https://www.retroford.co.uk/product/mk1 ... air-cs028/

Some front wheel drive cars use a hub that bolts into place too, but not my Honda. The gauge on the free press was at 12,000 lbs when the first bearing finally popped and began to push through. I wasn't looking on the 2nd one. It doesn't matter how big your bare arms are, or the size of your BFH, I don't think you can pound 12,000 lbs worth.

[Scooter]

[Scooter]

[Scooter]

[Scooter]

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

[Big RR]

Just saw your Friday 8:31 post Scooter; a great one.

[eddieq]

@scooter - We were at my mother-in-law's this weekend. My FiL has been gone 5 years next week and we were together celebrating his life and such. I told your "tractor" joke and practically broke my MiL. She laughed hard and out loud. It was definitely the kind of joke he would have told. Thanks for that. Two thumbs up.

[Scooter]

A French pun:

Two cats have a swimming race across the English Channel, one English, the other French.
The English cat is called "One two three", the French cat is called "Un deux trois".
Which cat wins...?
The English cat.
Why...?
Because Un deux trois cat sank…

[Big RR]

[Scooter]

[Joe Guy]

Separated at birth?

Gnewt.jpg (31.76 KiB) Viewed 1497 times

Newt.jpg (63.96 KiB) Viewed 1497 times

[Scooter]

[ex-khobar Andy]

Took a minute.