In fact I think I'll email them just that...
A cafe called the Hungry Hobbit has been ordered to change its name by a Californian production company that holds the licensing rights.
Cafe owner Wendy Busst was shocked when her business in Moseley, Birmingham, received a legal warning from the Saul Zaentz Company over the name it has had for six years.
Her sandwich bar stands on the street where Lord of the Rings author JRR Tolkien grew up, near many of the places that inspired his popular novels.
The domineering letter on behalf of the Saul Zaentz Company (which also trades as Middle-earth Enterprises) comes ahead of next year's cinema release of The Hobbit - Tolkien's prequel to the wildly popular Lord of the Rings books.
Lawyers representing SZC and Tolkien's estate said the cafe would be allowed to 'phase out any use of the name Hungry Hobbit with a reasonable time'.
But they said failure to do so would leave law firm Edwards Wildman with 'no alternative but to pursue all the remedies afforded by law'.
The letter, entitled 'Unauthorised Use of Hobbit', said: 'Only those who qualify for a trademark licence may use Hobbit and other marks registered by SZC.'
It said SZC had 'used and licensed others to use the Hobbit mark, and other marks derived from the Hobbit books, in the UK and many other countries for decades'.
But Ms Busst said: 'The name has been in use for about six years through two previous owners.
'I've only been here for six months and it's my first business having worked in industrial and school catering.
'Instead of just being a sandwich shop, we've just been granted an A3 licence by the city council to enable more people to sit in eating home-cooked food.
'The letter came out of the blue and said we were a new cafe when we are not. I have emailed a letter back to them pointing this out, but I haven't heard back.
'We are just a small cafe with a real community feel - everyone comes in here, from care home staff to city council workers and police.
'If we did have to change the name, I would have to change all of my menus, the shop fascia and the sign on the van.'
The shop's interior includes some framed Lord of the Rings pictures but none are for sale.
Ms Busst added: 'They were here when I moved in, all I've done is just rearrange them a bit.'
Tolkien spent part of his childhood living less than 200 yards from the cafe on Gracewell, which is now Wake Green Road.
A Birmingham City Council leaflet called The Tolkien Trail lists several local landmarks which inspired his writing, including Moseley Bog and Sarehole Mill.
The Hobbit was originally published in 1937 and director Peter Jackson's film version will be released next December.
His Lord of the Rings trilogy, which first launched in cinemas ten years ago, grossed $3billion at the worldwide box office and won 18 Oscars.
Edwards Wildman declined to comment.
This is not the first argument over Tolkien's legacy, after the author's children sued Hollywood studio New Line Cinema in 2009, claiming they had not received any royalties and accusing New Line of 'insatiable greed'
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