Mall food court conversation

[Gob]

This could have gone in laffs, but I think it may be typical..

It's after long lunch on a Wednesday, so the food court is very quiet.

At "Ali Baba's Kebabs" stall

Me: "Regular felafel kebab please. All the salad stuff, extra jalapenos and pineapple, extra hot chilli sauce. No chips or drinks thanks.
Her: (Goes and gets the pita.) "Do you want hummus?"
Me: "Yes, please"
Her: "Lettuce?"
Me: "Yes please, all the salad stuff."
Her: "Tomato?"
Me: "Yes please, all the salad stuff."
Her: "Tabouli?"
Me: "All the salad stuff."
Her: "Onion?"
Me: "No thanks."
Her: "I thought you wanted all the salad?"
Me: "I do, I was just checking that you are still alive."
Her: "Lettuce"?
Me: "You've done that."
Her: "Any extras?"
Me: "Jalapenos and pineapple!
Her: "No need to shout."
Me: "Sorry."
Her: "Any chips?"
Me: "No."
Her: "A drink?"
Me: "No."
Her: "We've got an offer, regular kebab, drink and chips, $10.10."
Me: "No thanks, I don't drink coke, nor eat your "chips.""
Her: "But you get the coke free."
Me: "Oh great, something I don't drink, nor want, for free. Actually, it wouldn't be free as I'd have to buy the chips, the ones I don't want, with my kebab. Tempting, but no."
Her: "Sauce?"
Me: "Christ on a bike. Extra hot chilli sauce please."
Her: (Goes away, comes back.) "$10.10 please."
Me: "No. Regular felafel kebab, extra jalapenos and pineapple, no chips, no drink $9.80.
Her: (Goes away, comes back again.) "Sorry, $9.80 please.
Me: (Hands over a tenner.)
Her: "$1.40 change."
Me: "Thanks?!?!?"

brief wait...

Her: (Shouts, even though I am the only customer waiting at the counter.) "One regular felafel kebab, extra jalapenos and cheese, chilli sauce, no chips no drink."
Me: "Is that supposed to be mine?"
Her: (blank expression.) "Yes."
Me: (Takes it and walks away shaking head.)


Eating it; I found I did have extra jalapenos and the extra pineapple I had ordered, but for some reason also extra cheese. I did get the right "extra hot" chilli sauce I had wanted, (quite a lot of it, as I found when I bit into it,) and not just plain chilli sauce.

I wouldn’t mind, I’d normally put it down to her being new. But she's worked there at least four years.

Fucking great grub though!!

[Sean]

Not the same without the elephant's leg I'm afraid...


...and lemon juice! How could I have nearly forgotten the lemon juice!

[The Hen]

I hate being served by a person who has learnt the drill by rote and will not budge from the script.

[Guinevere]

Felafel with pineapple and jalepenos? What are you people *thinking* down there!

[The Hen]

People?

No.

Gob?

Yes.

He eats odd food.

[Sue U]

It was the cheese that got me.

I can see jalapenos,sure. Pineapple is a little bizarre to me, but more than a few people put it on ham (and pizza).

My question is, where's the tahini?

[The Hen]

Which reminds me ....GOB, YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO BE EATING CHEESE YET.

[Gob]

Not my fault, didn't ask for it. (It was fucking yummy though!)


BTW Pineapple is a major vegetable in my diet, as are jalapeños, which are just about the only green veg I enjoy.

They use hummus not tahini Sue, the cheap fucks that they are!

Jalapeños and extra hot chilli sauce, that'lll make my Nobby Stiles suffer!!

[The Hen]

Pineapple is not a vegetable and they do have tahini.

[Guinevere]

The cheese would be fine if it was feta. But I'm not making any assumptions.

We have a lovely little lebanese caterer in my town. She does the farmer's market, and now that its closed for the season, has her things in her own storefront and a couple of local groceries. Her falafel rocks, as does her hummus, taboule, and baklava. I'm planning on trying her kibbeh soon.....

[loCAtek]

I've put hummus, in my Seven-Layer-Fiesta Dip. I never really count the layers, and it depends on whom I'm serving up the dip for. For example, my BF doesn't like 'spicy' (I think he's the only Latino on the planet who doesn't). So I may leave out salsa, but put in hummus, however you must always have: beans, rice and cheese in it. Preferably four types of shredded cheese. The flavors work fine together.

[Gob]

The cheese would be fine if it was feta. But I'm not making any assumptions.

I wish it had been, but it was their "happy shopper", ready-grated, flavour free, "cheddar"

[Guinevere]

YUCK. Good lord.

[dales]

Oh chryst on a cructh, Gob....next time order a dammed big mac* and be done with it!

*there's not enough meat in it to make any difference to a vegan/vegatarian.

[rubato]

Pineapple is not a vegetable and they do have tahini.

Pineapple is a bromeliad, the only edible one at that. I'd call it more 'fruity' than 'vegetably' based on the sugar and juice but I cannot say if there is a systematic convention for determining one from the other which makes sense.



yrs,
rubato