Thank Me for Sharing...

[Joe Guy]

I've read some posts here from people who have shared their innermost feelings and I thought I'd take a moment to share mine, knowing how all of you are so caring and thoughtful of others.

Right now I'm feeling very empty inside. Since yesterday I've felt like I've been turned inside out. I've had sudden urges to stand up and run into another room to be alone.

Today, May 25th, at 12:30 PM Pacific Daylight Savings Time, I'm having a colonoscopy. And the doctor, being the generous guy that he is, threw in an upper endoscopy for the heck of it.

I could use some sympathy...

Or bad jokes, whatever comes to yer sick minds!!

[dales]

You're a braver man than I.

When I belonged to Kaiser, the MD kept needling me to have it done.

Why?

I have better things to do.

[MajGenl.Meade]

1. Ask him if he wants a Bud light....

b. Hope all is well

Meade

[Lord Jim]

Good luck Joe...

[Crackpot]

It's going to be one of the few times in your life you'll be congratulated for farting.

[Lord Jim]

Sounds like a real pain in the ass...

[Joe Guy]

I asked the doctor if they use a rotisserie when they do the upper and lower procedure at the same time.

He just smiled and said that I won't feel any pain and probably won't remember a thing.

1 hour 45 minutes until blast off...

[dgs49]

The colonoscopy is EASY compared to the laxatives and whatnot you have to go through to prepare for it. Honestly, I've had 3 and it is NO BIG DEAL.

Hope they find nothing "interesting."

[dales]

Obama's TRUE birth cert.?


edited to add:

After the procedure, might I suggest reading this?

http://www.anus.com/etc/anal-fissure-bob/

[oldr_n_wsr]

1. Ask him if he wants a Butt light....

fixed

[Gob]

Had both, didn't enjoy either.

Just make sure he doesn't have both hands on your shoulders when he's doing the colonoscopy Joe.

Joe; "Where should I put my clothes doc?"
Doc; "On the table. Next to mine. Now just bend over...."

[loCAtek]

Hope it all works out in the end...

[Joe Guy]

I'm sure everyone is sitting on the edge of their seats wondering how my colonoscopy & upper endoscopy went.

I was told to be there at noon and the "procedure" would begin at 12:30. I didn't realize that what that meant was I would sit in the waiting room from 12 to 12:35 and wait for the nurse's lunch to end. At about 12:36, a nurse walked through the front door (I could tell she was a nurse because she was wearing nurse clothing) with a shopping bag in hand and went into the back room. About 5 minutes later that same nurse came out and guided me to the (un)dressing room.

She asked me a bunch of questions, including what was the name of the doctor that was going to perform the procedure.

So, to make a long story short, after they realized that I was right about which doctor was doing the job (their computer said otherwise) and after they went and found him, everything else is a blur. I do remember watching some of my innards on the monitor next to me.

They found nothing wrong or "interesting" in the lower region. But with the upper endoscopy the doctor located some "excavated lesions" (multiple bleeding linear erosions) in my stomach and he took a biopsy.

Just great.

Now I've told you more than you need to know.

So now I must advise you that due to federal HIPAA regulations you are not allowed to share this information. I'm not sure how that applies to you foreigners, but you better be careful anyway. I know at least one person that might still work for the government and I'm sure he knows the rules.

[rubato]

For one day this year you can state with perfect candor that the one thing you were not full of, was shit.

Or as I like to say, you achieved enlightenment.

yrs,
rubato

[MajGenl.Meade]

"They found nothing wrong or "interesting" in the lower region. But with the upper endoscopy the doctor located some "excavated lesions" (multiple bleeding linear erosions) in my stomach and he took a biopsy"

So was that a semi-colon?

God bless Joe.

Meade

[Lord Jim]

So now I must advise you that due to federal HIPAA regulations you are not allowed to share this information.

Oh gee Joe, and I've got so many people on me to give this information to them....

I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand up under the pressure....

[Joe Guy]

"They found nothing wrong or "interesting" in the lower region. But with the upper endoscopy the doctor located some "excavated lesions" (multiple bleeding linear erosions) in my stomach and he took a biopsy"

So was that a semi-colon?

Meade

The upper endoscopy was the first procedure Dr Proctor performed when he stuck a camera down my throat. I think it was a Canon EOS-10 X. Fortunately, the nurse sprayed my throat with Pam beforehand which allowed it to slide stomachward without damaging my throat much.

I don't think that it would be called a semi-colon. It felt like it was all upper case.

Urp!

(edited to add an edit)

[Joe Guy]

Oh gee Joe, and I've got so many people on me to give this information to them....

I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand up under the pressure....

You know the rules, Jim. If you reveal to anyone the private healthcare information that I posted anonymously on the internet, you will be guilty of HIPAA infringement and I would be mandated to report you and keep copies of that report on the desktop of my computer for future reference.

So, I know you're under a lot of stress trying to keep it to yourself, but you are obligated to restrain yourself from sharing this private and most interesting information.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[The Hen]

Wow. Missed this one entirely.

I'm glad the doctor didn't get any material to write a new paper.

What's an 'excavated lesion'? Is it an ulcer?

[MajGenl.Meade]

If it contains something from outside the body is it a foreign lesion?