Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hangin? Meself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An American tourist asks an Irish dive master: "Why do Scuba divers always Fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."
Paddy
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MajGenl.Meade
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Re: Paddy
The garda asked a severely injured Paddy why he drove his lorry over a cliff
"Testing the airbrakes" he replied
Paddy got a job building wooden packing crates. The foreman was angered when Paddy kept throwing away every other nail because the point was at the wrong end. "Are ye mad?" shouted the foreman, "Sure, we use those on the other side of the crate".
Paddy and Seamus got excited about moving to Canada and becoming lumberjacks. Then they realised the job ad said 'Tree fellers wanted' so they couldn't go.
Paddy went to Australia instead. Raised the IQ in both countries.
"Testing the airbrakes" he replied
Paddy got a job building wooden packing crates. The foreman was angered when Paddy kept throwing away every other nail because the point was at the wrong end. "Are ye mad?" shouted the foreman, "Sure, we use those on the other side of the crate".
Paddy and Seamus got excited about moving to Canada and becoming lumberjacks. Then they realised the job ad said 'Tree fellers wanted' so they couldn't go.
Paddy went to Australia instead. Raised the IQ in both countries.
For Christianity, by identifying truth with faith, must teach-and, properly understood, does teach-that any interference with the truth is immoral. A Christian with faith has nothing to fear from the facts
Re: Paddy
Paddy is Irish and taffy is Welsh? Don’t you love a cute ditty like achy breaky heart? Now Taffy time: 
Taffy was a WelshmanFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, search
"Taffy was a Welshman"
Roud #19237
Written by Traditional
Published c. 1780
Written England
Language English
Form Nursery rhyme
"Taffy was a Welshman" is an English language nursery rhyme with anti-Welsh lyrics, which was popular in England between the eighteenth and twentieth centuries. It has a Roud Folk Song Index number of 19237.
[edit] LyricsVersions of this rhyme vary. Some common versions are:
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy wasn't in;
I jumped upon his Sunday hat and poked it with a pin.
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a sham;
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of lamb;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was away,
I stuffed his socks with sawdust and filled his shoes with clay.
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a cheat,
Taffy came to my house, and stole a piece of meat;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not there,
I hung his coat and trousers to roast before a fire.[1]
[edit] Origins and historyThe term "Taffy" may be a merging of the common Welsh name "Dafydd" (Welsh pronunciation: [ˈdavɨð]) and the Welsh river "Taff" on which Cardiff is built, and seems to have been in use by the mid-eighteenth century.[2] The rhyme may be related to one published in Tommy Thumb's Pretty Song Book, printed in London around 1744, which had the lyrics:
Taffy was born
On a Moon Shiny Night,
His head in the Pipkin,
His Heels upright.[1]
The earliest record we have of the better known rhyme is from Nancy Cock's Pretty Song Book, printed in London about 1780, which had one verse:
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy wasn't home;
Taffy came to my house and stole a marrow-bone.[1]
Similar versions were printed in collections in the late eighteenth century, however, in Songs for the Nursery printed in 1805, the first signs of violence were evident, ending with:
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed,
I took the marrow bone and beat about his head.[1]
In the 1840s James Orchard Halliwell collected a two verse version that followed this with:
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not in;
Taffy came to my house and stole a silver pin.
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed;
I took up a poker and threw it at his head.[3]
This version seems to have been particularly popular in the English counties that bordered Wales, where it was sung on Saint David's Day (1 March) complete with leek-wearing effigies of Welshmen.[1] The image of thieving Welshmen seems to have begun to die down by the mid-twentieth century, although the insulting rhyme was still sometimes used along with the name "Taffy" for any Welshman.
[edit] Notes1.^ a b c d e I. Opie and P. Opie, The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes (Oxford University Press, 1951, 2nd edn., 1997), pp. 400-1.
2.^ M. Stephens The Oxford Companion to the Literature of Wales (Oxford University Press, 1986), p. 569.
3.^ J. O. Halliwell, The Nursery Rhymes of England (London, 1846), p. 19.
Taffy was a WelshmanFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaJump to: navigation, search
"Taffy was a Welshman"
Roud #19237
Written by Traditional
Published c. 1780
Written England
Language English
Form Nursery rhyme
"Taffy was a Welshman" is an English language nursery rhyme with anti-Welsh lyrics, which was popular in England between the eighteenth and twentieth centuries. It has a Roud Folk Song Index number of 19237.
[edit] LyricsVersions of this rhyme vary. Some common versions are:
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy wasn't in;
I jumped upon his Sunday hat and poked it with a pin.
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a sham;
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of lamb;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was away,
I stuffed his socks with sawdust and filled his shoes with clay.
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a cheat,
Taffy came to my house, and stole a piece of meat;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not there,
I hung his coat and trousers to roast before a fire.[1]
[edit] Origins and historyThe term "Taffy" may be a merging of the common Welsh name "Dafydd" (Welsh pronunciation: [ˈdavɨð]) and the Welsh river "Taff" on which Cardiff is built, and seems to have been in use by the mid-eighteenth century.[2] The rhyme may be related to one published in Tommy Thumb's Pretty Song Book, printed in London around 1744, which had the lyrics:
Taffy was born
On a Moon Shiny Night,
His head in the Pipkin,
His Heels upright.[1]
The earliest record we have of the better known rhyme is from Nancy Cock's Pretty Song Book, printed in London about 1780, which had one verse:
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef;
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy wasn't home;
Taffy came to my house and stole a marrow-bone.[1]
Similar versions were printed in collections in the late eighteenth century, however, in Songs for the Nursery printed in 1805, the first signs of violence were evident, ending with:
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed,
I took the marrow bone and beat about his head.[1]
In the 1840s James Orchard Halliwell collected a two verse version that followed this with:
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was not in;
Taffy came to my house and stole a silver pin.
I went to Taffy's house, Taffy was in bed;
I took up a poker and threw it at his head.[3]
This version seems to have been particularly popular in the English counties that bordered Wales, where it was sung on Saint David's Day (1 March) complete with leek-wearing effigies of Welshmen.[1] The image of thieving Welshmen seems to have begun to die down by the mid-twentieth century, although the insulting rhyme was still sometimes used along with the name "Taffy" for any Welshman.
[edit] Notes1.^ a b c d e I. Opie and P. Opie, The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes (Oxford University Press, 1951, 2nd edn., 1997), pp. 400-1.
2.^ M. Stephens The Oxford Companion to the Literature of Wales (Oxford University Press, 1986), p. 569.
3.^ J. O. Halliwell, The Nursery Rhymes of England (London, 1846), p. 19.
Soon, I’ll post my farewell message. The end is starting to get close. There are many misconceptions about me, and before I go, to live with my ancestors on the steppes, I want to set the record straight.