Besides Mt. Rushmore, Another Reason I Like South Dakota

[oldr_n_wsr]

I'm always kinda envious of folks that get along well with their dad...

Sorry if you didn't. I find it uplifting. There's a guy who lives across the lake from my dad, he's about my age. And one time I was up there he lent my dad his bike and I rode my dads bike for a days bike ride. He said he wished he could do the same with his daughters. They, at the time, wanted little to do with him, not because he wasn't a great guy, but their mom (now his ex-wife) poisoned them. Now, he shares a great relationship with them as they came to understand it was thier mom undermining what their dad did (and still does) for them. If he ever wants to borrow my bike, it's his.

[MajGenl.Meade]

Sounds good oldr. My dad died December 11, 1977 just after I left for America. It was the only way he knew to keep the cribbage championship forever. I was 26 years old. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him. He would have liked my second wife. The odd thing is that my mother was 48 when he died - and I thought she was ancient.

[Gob]

I'm always kinda envious of folks that get along well with their dad...

I didn't not get along with the old man, we were just so totally different and had nothing in common. We got along far better once I moved away, and we saw less of each other, and I'm sure he was proud of me, and fond of me, in his own way. But he was never good at showing his feelings.

[Guinevere]

Enjoy your time with your father.

Mine died at 77 and was too decrepid to do much of anything.

Ditto. Mine is 74, and as noted earlier, has dementia. Enjoy every second while you can!

[MajGenl.Meade]

That is sad Guin; my heart aches. I was wondering if I'd prefer my dad to be alive with that or (as he is) long gone. But that's not the choice that applies. I'd like to have had the years in between. But then that choice doesn't apply either. The truth is that if my dad had reached dementia, I probably would not have been among those available to care amidst the pain. He'd have been (good gracious!) 99 now.

It is difficult even as a Christian not to identify with "do not go gentle into that good night".

Meade

[Guinevere]

Thanks Meade, it is incredibly painful.

[rubato]

Dad has tipped over from what he was to what he is now; not the same thing at all.

It's difficult on some levels because he was always phenomenally good at so many things before. Fantastic memory, languages, music, board certified pathologist, board certified forensic pathologist, reads Japanese, Plays Shakuhachi (first westerner to be accepted into the Kingkoryu school), encylopedic knowledge of early jazz history. His talent as an artist was effortless and grace personified; he never knew that most people cannot draw with a brush the first time they pick it up.

What we can share now is so different from what we could share before. His world is collapsing inwards and the moments are all referring back further in time. But the end is there.

I already miss a lot of him.


yrs,
rubato

[oldr_n_wsr]

I'm always kinda envious of folks that get along well with their dad...

I didn't not get along with the old man, we were just so totally different and had nothing in common. We got along far better once I moved away, and we saw less of each other, and I'm sure he was proud of me, and fond of me, in his own way. But he was never good at showing his feelings.

I didn't get along well with my mom, probably because we were so much alike. Only when I moved out, did we get along. Sadly, she passed away back in 1998. Wish she was here as she also was an alcoholic but was sober for her last 10 years. I could use her help as I go through my own journey. Dad was/is a cold German but in these later years he/we are more affectionate toward each other. I don't think I hugged him til I was 40 something and even later could I tell him I loved him and he replied in same. Now we always hug and always say we love each other. Softening of the German way I guess.

Guin, I hope you find some solace in the memories you have had with your father. I went through dimentia with my grandmother. She "held on" until she was 96. The last few years were generally terrible, but there were times when she was back as a young lady and the stories she told. Not really stories, but like she was actually there right then while telling it. I remember her acting like the bridge in her town got blown up during WWI not 10 minutes ago. Took me a bit to figure out what/where and especially when she was talking about. But I think she thought I was her brother and it was like two siblings talking about the days events.

Hope you get some moments like that. While they are sad, they are also special. My thoughts are with you and your dad.

[Guinevere]

Dad has tipped over from what he was to what he is now; not the same thing at all.

It's difficult on some levels because he was always phenomenally good at so many things before. Fantastic memory, languages, music, board certified pathologist, board certified forensic pathologist, reads Japanese, Plays Shakuhachi (first westerner to be accepted into the Kingkoryu school), encylopedic knowledge of early jazz history. His talent as an artist was effortless and grace personified; he never knew that most people cannot draw with a brush the first time they pick it up.

What we can share now is so different from what we could share before. His world is collapsing inwards and the moments are all referring back further in time. But the end is there.

I already miss a lot of him.


yrs,
rubato

I'm so sorry rubato. I so understand the missing him.

My father was also incredibly talented and such a leader. Everyone - men and women - looked up to him, at work, in the family, at church, at school. He was an incredible provider, a hard worker, and he always put his family first. He loved people and adventure and I'd never seen him afraid of anything.

He gave me everything, and I would not be the woman I am today without his unwavering and unqualified support.